There are shows devoted to it,  stores that specialize in it and crazy-ass broads who spend as much as a manufactured home on it. Yes, ladies and gentlemen…I am broaching the ever-so-enlightening topic of wedding dresses.  Piggybacking off my last wedding related post, I felt it only natural to start with the dress, a very good place to start.  I’ll try and spare you the details of this inundating search for a garment I realize, I will only wear but once.   Let’s keep this party polite.

And as much as I love Say Yes to the Dress, I will not be following any of their rules.

Please don’t think me a wanna-be wedding guru for trying to abolish rules set fourth by such characters.  I am in know way an expert.  However, having attended a hefty amount of weddings in my time which I think, makes me privy  to certain things at the very least.

To me,  a wedding dress should look like you.  You at your most fabulous, but still remain true to your style.  But I’m getting ahead of myself.  According to my personal research, wedding dress shopping is like selecting a diamond.  There are  a multitude of basic characteristics one must consider.  With a diamond, you ponder the 4 C’s.  With wedding dresses I have broken it down into the memorable acronym,  SCFN .  Silhouette, color, fabric and neckline to be exact. These seem to be the maja things to look for in a dress.  For all the crazies, I could include train, hemline, bustle, sleeve, etc.

At Starbucks, “Can I get a fit-n-flare, blush-colored, silk organza, sweetheart, cathedral train, tea-lengthed, swarofski crystal-embellished, empire-waisted gown, to go please?”

NO foam.

I think brides of today get so caught up in searching for the so-called “perfect dress”.  It’s almost as if our culture is encouraging betrothed women to tote around clipboards with their wedding dress checklists.  “I’m sorry but I can’t try that on. It’s Chantilly lace when clearly I asked for Alençon.”

Let’s be honest about one thing here.  Do you remember what kind of neckline the bridal gown had at the last wedding you went to?  Unless your Austin Scarlett, probably not.  What do we remember?

My guess: The way the bride looked overall.

Most brides tend to be emphatically joyous, glowing.  It’s her day and she has likely worked hard for it.  She may have allowed herself to be consumed by the placement of pearls on the bodice, or the bustle not being just right.  But does anyone notice besides her? Sadly, probably not.

It’s really quite a shame that we heap all these expectations upon our mystic-tanned shoulders.  On the other hand, it’s more than running down to Macy’s to get a dress for Sunday Mass.  I plan to employ the if-at-first-you-don’t-succeed method in my quest for the dress (hey, maybe I’ve got the name for a new blog!) and will hopefully emerge victorious.

My expectations?  I’d like to pay homage to all of the different looks I have in my head. I die for blush-colors, lace, bust-enhancing accoutrements, full ball gowns and open backs.  Oh, and I love me a sweetheart neckline.  Shut it down.  Hat tip to Miss Zoe for the vocab.

And while I have no words for the amazingly beautiful couture dresses I see floating down the runway on an Angelina-after-detox look-alikes, I’m fine with procuring myself the knock-off from David’s Bridal #noshame.

My dress bucket-list is short, much like my tolerance for satin.  But that’s a another post.  I’d like the ability to have a reasonable range of motion.  All 6 feet of me forced into geisha strutting? Not happening.  I’d also like to look as girly as possible, which may be a task in and of itself.  Masking my somewhat manish upper-half is gonna take some serious styling and I’d prefer NOT to look like Patrick Shwayze in To Wong Foo.  Ok, maybe a little 🙂  Lastly, the dress must be somewhat light. Although I love the look of heavier dresses, I will not pit out for fashion.

Let’s get to the dresses I’ve been looking at 5X per day once or twice on the internets.

*A huge thank you to Miss Claire Pettibone for constructing what I believe are the most beautiful dresses on earth. If only I could afford you…

NO WORDS.

More inspiration courtesy of Mizz Lhuillier

*All wedding related posts will now get filed away under the “wedding” tab. Brill.