Forever 31

June 19, 20157 Comments

HAHAHAHAHhahahaaaaa

Already laughing at my own joke per usual 🙂

But really, how great would Forever 31 be? A place where Anthropologie and Ross meet, fall in love, and produce a place where Sam Smith’s angelic voice fills the air. And the racks are stocked with tasteful and age-appropriate cheap sh*t that falls apart after 3 wears. Where a pair of cute shorts you know will only last one summer, but that DO NOT show the bottom of your ass-cheeks, will only set you back $9.80! Where is this place, my friends? WHERE.

So what, if I want a borderline slutty tank that I can wear to book club and drink red wine in (because in your thirties you drink red wine)? And don’t go sayin’ that us 31-year-olds shouldn’t HAVE to shop at F21 anymore because our mid-level jobs are providing us with the means to shop exclusively at Nordy’s. Honey. I don’t care if I make 200 GR a year, I will STILL crave that $24.90 maxi dress.

So until this obvious gap in the market is remedied, I will continue to spend time hunting the racks of my local F21 in hot pursuit of the few items that work for my sassy, 31-year-old self. And here’s what I found.

Embroidered Peasant Shirt

Contrast Button-Down

Textured Striped Skirt

I also found a flowy blush pink racerback tank top that is the perfect color. But I couldn’t find the picture online because there are 21897437 tank tops and aint nobody got time for that.

Happenings

November 7, 2014Leave a comment

Neither Bryan or myself is the least bit enthusiastic about Halloween. We fall perfectly into that category of too old, no children and absolutely NO desire to schlep ourselves to a bar to watch 20-somethings try to hold their liquor while donning a slutty football player costume. Instead, I bought 2 LARGE bags of candy, hoping to dispense every last piece to cute kidlets while Bryan and I watched Hocus Pocus. NO SUCH LUCK. Not only did we get ZERO trick-or-treaters and thus felt behooved to consume loads of said candy, but Hocus Pocus wasn’t even on! Tragedy. Earlier that day, I did throw on a combination of clothes I already owned, waaay too much eyeliner on ONLY the bottom lash line and little paper “gauges” I made with a sharpie to become…..

A PORTLANDIAN.

It was Megan’s birthday the other weekend and unfortunately the rain killed our plans to partake in a SEGWAY tour of Portland (something Meg and I have always wanted to do). Luckily, the weekend was salvaged by a lot of fun and successful shopping including, but not limited to:

Meg getting the MOST adorable pink coat in existence from Anthropolgie
Finding a sweater from F21 in the most perfect shade of peach EVER
Nan admitting that un-oaked Chardonnay is actually quite delicious

Meg’s new coat!

Oh, and I found the most perfect hat relative to my face shape.

A couple weeks ago, I gave myself a bit of a shiner by WHACKING MY FACE ON THE DOORWAY. A tiny cut placed wonderfully at the end of my brow and I was a bloody mess. Luckily the hideousness dissipated rather quickly and I could just use the excuse it was a purple smoky eye gone wrong. And obvs excuse the under-eye circles and greasy hair.

The day after it happened

My shiner!

I have gotten in to Gilmore Girls. Is anyone really surprised? I MEAN. The mother-daughter relationship, the INCREDIBLE 90’s fashions, Melissa McCarthy’s highlights and Alexis Bleidel’s big blue puppy dog eyes? I was sold after one episode.

I Love it When We’re Crusin’ Together

February 20, 20122 Comments

Runner up post titles: I’m on a Boat! Sail Away With Me. And of course, The Love Boat.

I guess you can figure out the theme here…

Bry and I are going on a cruise in less than 2 weeks!!

We embark on March. 2 and will cruise around the Mexican Riviera via the Carnival Spirit for 9 glorious days.

Maybe it’s the fact that every sentence I’ve started in the past 2 months has begun with, “This is the coldest I’ve ever been…”. Or the fact that I fall on the sidewalks, have ridiculously chapped hands (they bleed and yes, I’ve tried everything) and must don a beanie to take out the trash. Or maybe, it’s because I have an amazing guy that books cruises out of nowhere and calls me at work to say, “We’re leaving for a cruise of the Mexican Riviera in two weeks. I love you.”

Well HOTDOG I’m excited! I’ll be losing my cruise-virginity so to speak as this will be my first time at sea. As a first timer, I’m desperate for advice and tips so if you’re a crusin pro, please inform away!

When Bryan told me we were going on a cruise my first thought of course, was what I was going to wear. I then began to tally up other small details that will just not do aboard the Carnival Spirit.

Exhibit A: My white trash halo, or grow-out for all you blonde term illiterates out there.

NOT cute.

Exhibit B: The extra “wobbly bits” (as Bridget Jones would say) I’ve happily accumulated this cold, Jackson winter.

Enter new nourishment:

To commemorate the passing of our dear Ms. Houston, I’ve decided it’s time to bring back the 80’s. I have high hopes that the Slim Fast Diet will help shape me into the woman who won’t have to declare, “I wanna dance with somebody!”

So far the Slim Fast Plan is a little tougher than I thought. The shakes are supposed to “keep you satisfied for up to 4 hours”. I want to know who on earth lasts 4 hours on 8 ounces of chocolate milk?!

Maybe if you add in a loaf of french bread :-).

I’ve also made a few purchases of the online kind to re-vamp my tired winter wardrobe. Thanks to Victoria’s Secret and Forever 21, I now have a few cruising essentials.

Oh, and I checked with VS and they assured me I’d look exactly like the models when my swimsuits arrive. Yay!

Formal Night Cruise Wear

Literal and Awesome

To say that I’m excited would be an understatement. I’m so ready to escape the snow, cold and especially the sh*t skiers say. Bring on the sun, bring on the buffet. I’m ready to be on a boat!

Still funny.