Hullo friends.

If you have been here awhile you might already know what I am about to say. Long ago, I made a promise to myself and to all of you that this little blog of mine would stay open and honest. You guys have seen me through some of my best and worst days.

Exhibit A: 2011 OH DEAR GOD

You’ve watched as I have dealt with issues like hair loss and giant age-spots. And now, as I enter my late 30’s it is time we embark on a new adventure.

And as common as Botox, fillers and other small cosmetic procedures are, I wonder why more women my age aren’t talking about them. Where are the Instagram stories of women leaving the med-spa with captions that say, “Fresh Botox, who dis?!”. And yet from what I understand, lots of women are doing this. Are we embarrassed? Are we afraid of judgment? If that is the case, I volunteer as tribute.

But first, as you might have guessed, a disclaimer:

I know that Botox, injectables, plastic surgery, and the like, are controversial to put it mildly. And believe me when I say that my views on cosmetic enhancements as a whole seem to constantly evolve. One day I’m like, “Aging is beautiful! Who cares about wrinkles?! Why is there an unfair standard for women to look young while ol’Clooney sits back and just gets hotter?!”. Then the next day I am inspecting my neck skin in a 10X magnifying mirror and googling “facial exercises” and “affordable neck lift”. OF COURSE the pressure that so many women feel to look younger and to spend astronomical amounts of money on treatments is, at the end of the day, bullsh*t. If Hollywood and society as a whole could just embrace aging (among many other things), we would be in a different place, wouldn’t we? And let me be clear, I am in no way hating on cosmetic treatments, plastic surgery, any of it. Because I also believe that our bodies are just that – ours. And if lip filler, breast implants, liposuction, etc. will provide happiness or contentedness, then by all means! Hopefully I have articulated my opinions on this clearly. I love, accept, and appreciate every BODY.

So that brings me to ME. Late December, after seeing a particularly wrinkly image of myself (we’ve all had that experience, right?) I decided I wanted to try Botox, or some kind of injections in my face. I was uneasy about it and not entirely sure what route I wanted to take. I ended up doing a virtual consultation with a local med-spa to no avail. 100% do not recommend this tactic. I then spent some time thinking about the financial aspect of it because I don’t know about you, but I want to get a ballpark idea of what I’m in for. I would see Botox specials for $10 – $12 per unit around town, but exactly how many units would I need? 5? 500? After doing some research, I settled on about 20-30 units or roughly $300. I was able to find an excellent deal at a local place, and promptly made an appointment.

I kept the appointment a secret, even from my husband. And when the big day finally came round, I muttered a “be right back” as I casually hopped in the car like I was going on a grocery store run. I was nervous. Don’t get me wrong, I am no friend of the needle – but I think it had way more to do with what this all meant, rather than what it was. All at once the gravity of what I was doing struck me. I was getting older. It was a strange feeling.

And because I knew I was going to be writing about my experience, of course I took pictures and videos.

Here is a video of me wrinkling up my face on the way there: (don’t come for me for taking a video while driving, I was literally turning into the parking lot and was kinda late).

DISCLAIMER: I cannot be held responsible for the ridiculous faces made in the following videos or my general state in the photos. I am a full-time working mom, this is real life.

And here I am with a totally relaxed face, right before going in:

Here’s how it went down:

I did a quick consultation and explained what I was after:

• Natural, no frozen forehead. I need to emote.
• Deep wrinkle prevention.

Overall, I explained that I just want to prevent the deep-set wrinkles from forming (especially the dreaded elevens) and possibly lifting my left eyebrow slightly (it droops). We settled upon injections into the space between my eyes (the elevens) and a row across my forehead. They prepped me and before I knew it, I was done.

One thing I was not fully prepared for was how badly it would hurt. I get IPL regularly and that hurts decently. These injections were comparable to a bee sting, which really wasn’t bad until she did one right in the center of my forehead. It hurt like 5x worse than all the rest and immediately the nurse said “yeah, that one might bruise a little”. Ugh, of course!

Here I am the next day. You can kinda see the spot right in the middle of my forehead where I had the painful injection.

Video from the day after:

Video from 2 days after:

5 days after: You can see the bruise on my forehead has grown. The bruise under my eye is from Clara head-butting me.

Annnnd, 2 weeks later the “final” result:

I would say I am very happy with how it all turned out. I still had a little movement in my forehead but it definitely does the trick!

Fast forward to now and it has been 4 months since I got Botox. They recommend going again after 3 months, especially after the first time because apparently your body absorbs it quicker. I was told that the more you get, eventually, the less frequently you’ll have to get it. I suppose I will probably go again in the fall and possibly try for 3 times next year. In terms of unit amounts and injection sites, I think I will stick to talking about it with the nurse each time I go. I want to stay very conservative and mostly use this as a preventative measure.

And that’s my journey you guys! Whew! If you are still reading, thank you for sticking with me. And if you have gotten Botox or injections and feel comfortable sharing, I would love to hear about your experience, tips, comments, questions, anything. Feel free to comment or write me a message at nataliediaries@gmail.com.