I keep tryin’ to think of a funny opener, but all I can do RN is hum Destiny’s Child.

Can you keep up? BABY BOY, make me lose my breath!

Sorry.

Last weekend, my sister Meg and mother Nan came to visit me. Megan is about 23 weeks preg and it was HIGH-TIME she make the trip to Portland to look for baby items in a tax-free environment.

They arrived Friday night and after my jaw dropped to the floor when I saw little Meg’s little belly, I decided it was a good idea to go ahead and have 2 LARGE glasses of vino and 3/4 of a box of Milk Duds. A grilled cheese may have made it in there too, it’s all a blur when I’m around these two.

The next day we woke up and hit NW 23rd because it’s cute and fun. We stopped immediately at Bagel Works where I ordered a plain bagel with plain cream cheese. It was definitely sub-par and not a place I would frequent. Give me a chewy, dense bagel or give me death.

We shopped around the area and I struck up a wonderful conversation at Blush Beauty Bar with a fellow customer who didn’t think she could pull off a bronzed eyeshadow. She had olive skin and gorgeous flicked liner and I was like, “GIRL LISTEN”. The ladies who worked there were kinda laughing but letsbereal, they probs hated me.

Then another gal couldn’t find a Nars lipstick in the shade Kelly, which is OBVIOUSLY from the Audacious line. When the salesperson didn’t know anything about it, I happily interjected and was all, “Excuse me? Yes, that shade is from the Audacious line, which is AMAAAZING and you should definitely get it.”

Sister Natalie, they should call me. Patron Saint of meekups.

Anyways, we got gas and I ran in for a fountain soda because it’s tradish.

Then we went to Washington Square and I wore my Tory Burch flats which was a terrible decision. We found some adorable baby clothes for Lil’ Toby Johnson (as we are referring to him) and I was able to sneak away at H&M and procure a tiny quilted sweatshirt with the words “Hello Little One” embroidered in.

Megan also found an amazing diaper bag at Nordstrom and I kindof want it for a normal purse. Is that weird?

I also coveted the following shoes:

We tried to go to the Glutton Cheesecake Factory for lunch but it was packed to the brim with hungry, sad-looking mall-goers who were willing to wait the hour + for a sh*tty piece of thawed-out Cheesecake.

Being the smart ladies we are, decided to succumb to Chipotle. For obvious reasons. Chips.

After that we stopped at the Brideport shopping area where I very nearly purchased this perfume at Anthropologie for $55 because it smells like a fairy princess.

That night, the Nan and my sis crashed early because one is old and one is pregnant. I met some co-workers for karaoke and performed not one but TWO songs. One of them may or may not have been from Frozen…

The next day we got up and decided to go to Nordstrom Rack. I found a few random Alex and Ani bracelets and Nan ended up buying me one. What a gal!

I always get sad after anyone in my family leaves so Sunday night was spent in the bath, Stanley Hudson style.

All in all, a wonderful, baby-tastic weekend.