A Very Baby Weekend

I keep tryin’ to think of a funny opener, but all I can do RN is hum Destiny’s Child.

Can you keep up? BABY BOY, make me lose my breath!

Sorry.

Last weekend, my sister Meg and mother Nan came to visit me. Megan is about 23 weeks preg and it was HIGH-TIME she make the trip to Portland to look for baby items in a tax-free environment.

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They arrived Friday night and after my jaw dropped to the floor when I saw little Meg’s little belly, I decided it was a good idea to go ahead and have 2 LARGE glasses of vino and 3/4 of a box of Milk Duds. A grilled cheese may have made it in there too, it’s all a blur when I’m around these two.

The next day we woke up and hit NW 23rd because it’s cute and fun. We stopped immediately at Bagel Works where I ordered a plain bagel with plain cream cheese. It was definitely sub-par and not a place I would frequent. Give me a chewy, dense bagel or give me death.

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We shopped around the area and I struck up a wonderful conversation at Blush Beauty Bar with a fellow customer who didn’t think she could pull off a bronzed eyeshadow. She had olive skin and gorgeous flicked liner and I was like, “GIRL LISTEN”. The ladies who worked there were kinda laughing but letsbereal, they probs hated me.

Then another gal couldn’t find a Nars lipstick in the shade Kelly, which is OBVIOUSLY from the Audacious line. When the salesperson didn’t know anything about it, I happily interjected and was all, “Excuse me? Yes, that shade is from the Audacious line, which is AMAAAZING and you should definitely get it.”

Sister Natalie, they should call me. Patron Saint of meekups.

Anyways, we got gas and I ran in for a fountain soda because it’s tradish.

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Then we went to Washington Square and I wore my Tory Burch flats which was a terrible decision. We found some adorable baby clothes for Lil’ Toby Johnson (as we are referring to him) and I was able to sneak away at H&M and procure a tiny quilted sweatshirt with the words “Hello Little One” embroidered in.

Megan also found an amazing diaper bag at Nordstrom and I kindof want it for a normal purse. Is that weird?

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I also coveted the following shoes:

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We tried to go to the Glutton Cheesecake Factory for lunch but it was packed to the brim with hungry, sad-looking mall-goers who were willing to wait the hour + for a sh*tty piece of thawed-out Cheesecake.

Being the smart ladies we are, decided to succumb to Chipotle. For obvious reasons. Chips.

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After that we stopped at the Brideport shopping area where I very nearly purchased this perfume at Anthropologie for $55 because it smells like a fairy princess.

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That night, the Nan and my sis crashed early because one is old and one is pregnant. I met some co-workers for karaoke and performed not one but TWO songs. One of them may or may not have been from Frozen…

The next day we got up and decided to go to Nordstrom Rack. I found a few random Alex and Ani bracelets and Nan ended up buying me one. What a gal!

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Kinda cool and art-deco-ish?

I always get sad after anyone in my family leaves so Sunday night was spent in the bath, Stanley Hudson style.

All in all, a wonderful, baby-tastic weekend.

Nordstrom Makeup Haul

Hieeeee!

Hat tip to m’pal Dann for sending me emails with this nauseatingly wonderful subject line.

Today I bring you a haul more exciting than the season finale of Rupaul’s Drag Race which y’all really must watch. My inner drag queen (who goes by Summer Clearance, btw) gets pretty jealous of those broads.

I was at the Washington Square Nordstrom the other day, otherwise known as the cool place to push around $1,500 strollers in Tory Burch flats…and I picked up a few bits and pieces which I am just tickled over.

Nars Sheer Glow Foundation

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FINALLY right!? This is liquid gorgeousness. It is the essence of all things majesty and splendorous, bottled up and sold to unicorns like me and you. I went with Light 5 – in Fiji and I’m honestly a bit iffy on the shade. I might be going back for Medium 1 in Punjab because this girl is planning on gettin’ her tan on!! However, do not be fooled. My winter shade in this foundation would definitely be the lightest.

Anastasia Brow Whiz in Soft Brown

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Don’t be jealous of m’sexy jammies ok?

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FINALLY AGAIN!! I have wanted Brow Whiz ever since it came out like 74 years ago. I have had the good ol’ original pencil in ash blonde from Anastasia for srsly like 22 years and I fiiiiinalllly ran out a couple weeks ago. And you guys, can I get some props for working through that entire godforsaken thing!? It was an accomplishment.

Mac Powder Blush in Melba

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This blush comes highly recommended by Jaclyn Hill, one of my fave YouTubers. It has zero sparkle but the color is simply gorgeous. I love wearing it with an absolute sh*tload of highlighter. You know.

And that’s all she wrote!

Megan’s Bachelorette

Aloha Blogerinos! (Name that YouTuber!)

With the traces of my hangover bidding my body a reluctant adieu,  I finally feel up to the task of attacking this momentous occasion with my vernacular words and set it free on the internets. So, let’s go.

Friday began with a much needed highlight. I went to C.Joy Salon here in Redmond and told the stylist Kimberly of the saga that is my hair. We agreed on a full highlight – combining some bright blonde with a few low-lights for S’s and G’s.

Here’s the before:

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Accidental Ombre

And the after:

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My car is the best for selfies

Saturday morn – I got up and slathered instant-tan all over m’self, curled the eyelashes real nice and headed to the Q to pick up mimosa fixins and a box of Top Pots (donuts) to take to the nail place we reserved at 11 am. I dispensed mimosas, pink feather boa donuts and of course my Danielson-charm as we dipped our feet into the swirling blue water and slipped into pedi-heaven.

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The spread

The nail place turned out to be perfect – hat tip to Karen for the recommendation! I loved the power ballad instrumentals they played and the Sharper Image chairs…the “upper-back roll” was my jam.

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Meg and Jen

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“Everyone look at the camera!” Nan looks down. hahahahhha

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Amy is participating!

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Lil Meg

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After that, ’twas off to Purple Cafe in Bellevue where we were seated in our own personal wine cove.

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We had a delicious lunch of sandwiches, salads, soup and of course – the signature salted caramels and then scampered off to Bellevue Square for a little shopping.

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Paparazzi shot

The Nordstrom Anniversay sale is on and oh law – the money I could spend on limited edition Mac gift sets. Swoon. We had fun trying on lipsticks for the wedding, ogling over Tory Burch purses and hyperventilating over anything at Chanel. Oh, and sadly the Soliel Tan de Chanel  is completely sold out like everywhere :(.

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Rachel trying Candy Yum-Yum

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Angel and Creme-Cup

Ray-Ray and I left the mall a little early to head back to my house to prep for the party. I picked up my bestie Holls (that is the balls) and squeezed the bejesus out of her little body. We hung up my paper chains, made peeny linguine and hung up a poster of the Bieber. So basically…

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Cutouts courtesy of Miss Coleman

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Rachel’s Famous Oreo Balls

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Cotton candy cookies

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Be jealous.

We all slipped in to our LBD’s, heels and mini-tiaras and that was that. It was sweltering and because we have NO A.C everybody’s faces were melting into the carpet.

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My LBD from Targs

So, we carried the food, dranks and other bits on to the patio and resumed our phallic conversations in the comfort of my apartment’s courtyard.

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Holly showcasing her straw

The drinks were flowin and the shenanigans, growin. We moved inside to open presents where Meg received negligee of all kinds.

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She also got a  surprise from our other favorite YouTuber, Az4Angela! I ordered Megan candles from her online store and Ang was kind enough to send Megan a lil’ something. Thanks Angela!

After the formality of opening gifts, we moved on to more indecent activities like blasting rap and 1D while dancing PG-13. A conga line may have formed, I don’t know.

We played a rousing game of pecker toss, which is much harder than it looks and I may have accidentally played Party in the USA like on repeat.

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Wrong on sooo many levels

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Tossin’

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Frisbee method

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Not sure about this method

Holly and I then decided it the appropriate time to introduce the evening’s signature cocktail – chocolate cake shots.

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Draaanks

Since the party has ended, the chocolate cake shots have been subject to public conjecture as to whether or not they were to blame for the craziness that ensued through out the evening. Jury’s still out.

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Cake topper from Etsy

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We piled into a couple of cars (the driver’s sober) and were whisked into Kirkland with the goal of filling out our trusty bachelorette check-list cards before the night ended.

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Holly started us off with vodka-redbulls and Meg got right to work by asking a group of older gentlemen if any of their names were Ben Johnson. Aww girl.

Upon arrival at the bars, I pulled out my phone to send a location update and realized drunk logic made me grab Amy’s work phone since they were both white iPhone 4s. #FAIL. Also, Rachel forgot her phone and Meg had 2% battery left. Everything was SO organized.

The night was a veritable circus of all things bachelorette – we took shots of Fireball (delish), danced with Kirkland gays (hey-o!) and managed to get down to the tunes all the youngins are listening to. All while accumulating marital advice on paper napkins and nearly convincing a man to give us his underwear (Amers was in charge of that one).

Megan made friends with a couple a Russian men and I thought it cute to come bombing into the middle of their conversation, sloppily proclaiming “BORSCHT!!” (the one and only word I know in Russian), laughing like a hyena and trying to be funny.

We managed to stuff ourselves into a cab around 2 am and for me, things got all kinds-o-hazy. Rach set out for Jack in the Box while I (apparently) helped get all the air beds inflated and bedding distributed.

I am told that everyone else had a smashing time upon Rachel’s return, feasting on burgers, fries and gulping water while watching late-night television.

I, on the other-hand took a different route:

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So did Amy

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Hahahahaaaaaaaaaaahhahahhahaa

Bryan made his return from camping around 11 am the next morning and got to experience the text convo between Rachel and I.  So hilar – I can’t remember when I have laughed so hard.

The rest of the day was spent nursing my hangover with Chipotle, popsicles and Lincoln on Redbox. Planning and executing an entire day of activities at multiple locations was fun but completely exhausting – therefore I am using that as my excuse for my decision to PTFO.

Yes, indeed.