We came. We fought. We emerged victorious.

As planned, we returned to Jackson safely with no bruises, hangovers, wedding rings or children. Whew! As expressed in this post, my previous excursions to Vegas were compiled of a mix of sparkly halter tops, foot long margs, $39 hotels and of course, vodka. However, I’m not 22 anymore. I’m 5 years the wiser and I have some sound advice for any Vegas newbie.

1. Stay in a nice hotel. I.e The Mirage.

Our standard room featured an awesome view of the strip, a super-comfy king bed, tasteful modern decor and robes. Coincidentally, it was also neighbored by Caesar’s Palace (hello Forum shops) and the Venetian. Now let’s talk POOL. Despite the fact that I had to pull a J-Wow in order to procure two lounge chairs for the boy and I (and you know I pounced on a little old English couple for one), all was well. Over the duration of our short weekend, we managed close to 7 hours (SPF a’course) at the pool and I savored each moment.

2. See a show.

Don’t skimp on this one. The Cirque shows basically all rock the hardest, but we saw “Love” and were blown away. “Love” is described as: 

With LOVE, Cirque du Soleil celebrates the musical legacy of The Beatles through their timeless, original recordings. Drawn from the poetry of the lyrics, the show explores the content of the songs as interpreted by innovative performances from a cast of 60 international artists. A youthful, raw energy is channeled through aerial performance, extreme sports and urban freestyle dance.

Here’s a shot of the theater’s lobby. I thought it was awesome that they sold popcorn, candy and BOOZE.

I may have peed a little bit when they did “Hey Jude”. Just sayin =).

3. Gamble.

Oh come on. It’s fun! This advice does come with a caveat: If you say, have a gambling problem like Clark Griswold then definitely steer clear of the casino. But for anyone else like me, who likes their money kind of alot, put aside an amount of money that you’re comfortable with and have fun! My gambling opinions? Don’t play slots. Unless you like to mindlessly bet your hard-earned cash on trying to get 4 smiley faces to line up, skip this one. It’s boring and the cocktail waitresses seemed to ignore us (although maybe that’s because we were on the penny slots…). Also, I abstain from playing any kind of blackjack or poker. It’s intimidating for me when other human beings are involved. I start sweating.

Instead, a more approachable idea is to play video blackjack or poker. Keep in mind the margin of winning the video versions of these games is significantly less than if you play with  human beings. The perk however, is that you can play $1 hands as opposed to $25 hands (which is the minimum at most tables). Also, if you scope out a bar that hosts a bank of these machines and you’re nice to the bartenders – you’re drinkin for free. Bryan and I did this every night, broke even and were served several delicious drinks – on the house. I felt like a pimp. A pimp with a Hello Kitty necklace on.

5. Eat delicious food. Vegas boasts some of the best restaurants in the country and my advice is – chow dizown. For a fro-yo eating, cupcake-lovin gal like myself – I was in HEAVEN. The only thing that could have made it better was if I had puppies surrounding me and maybe the cast from Wicked. I had frozen yogurt at Blizz (at the Mirage) like errday and also rocked Serendipity and the Sugar Factory.

Here are some other foodie-type pics I deemed pretty sweet:

4. Have 2nd dinner. This is paramount guys. One missed 2nd dinner and you may be hurtin the next day and have to take a Pedialyte hard to the face. On Friday and Saturday we dined around 7:30 and then with gambling/drinking/clubbing until 2, homegirl needed her sustenance. We had flatbread and salads 2 nights in a row at The Cheescake Factory (open 24 hours thank you) and yours truly managed to slay one basket of bread alone. Both nights. Hollller.

6. Buy things. Over the course of this minication – I managed to spend a purtty little penny. Most money was spent at H&M (duh) and…Coach. It was not a drunk-buy. It was a well planned out, methodical, economical purchase. Ok, maybe it was a teensy bit alcohol induced. But hey, people gamble away hundreds of dollars in Vegas everyday! At least I came out of it with a cute, summery handbag right?!

Also, after pining over the couture bejeweled lollipops owned by many celebs, Bryan bought me one. Oh, and it’s Hello Kitty. Don’t be jealous.

They even come with caps for the lollipop part, so you can enjoy as much or as little as you like and save the rest for later. Genius, I know.

Even Holly Madison has one! Who I didn’t meet, but apparently she would be signing books next weekend. Grrrr…

7. Where stylish, yet comfortable clothing and makeup. I succeeded in this for the most part except once. Two words: False. Eyelashes.

Disclaimer: I have successfully worn false eyelashes dozens of times, with no hiccups. This time however, was an exception. I struggled with them while getting ready for close to 20 minutes. Then I made the decision to cut them in half and simply wear them on the outer-corners of my eyes. Totes Sofia Loren right? Maybe it was the fact that they cost $1.99. Maybe it was the dry, Vegas air. Or maybe it was my shaky, awkward hands. Whatever the case, I got them on but after “Love” my eyes were a’burnin. As we sat down at the video blackjack table and had consumed a couple bevs, I made the bold decision to rip them off. And rip I did. Suprisingly, the glue gave way fairly easily and before you could say “Wayne Newton”, I was back to natural. 100% Natalie lashes. However, I did look a little bit like a hairless cat, ala Mister Bigelsworth so I promptly threw on my Bans and said “When in rome!”. Not applicable but we were at the Venetian so you get it.

All in all, the trip was majesty. It was shining, shimmering splendid.

As the song says, “I love Vegas the springtime, I love Vegas in the fall…” 😉

Have you ever been to Vegas? What is your favorite thing to do there?