Hello little macadamia nut pancakes!

I am back on the mainland and tired AF. But here I am, reporting to you live from the couch as I watch The Office reruns and snack on Walmart Fruit Smiles.

Our flight to Maui departed around 7:30 pm on Thursday so of course, we all rushed to the airport early to have dinner and watch the Ducks game. YAY SPORTS.

The flight to Maui was relatively painless. I sat in the middle (wha-whaaa) but was able to sleep for a couple hours or so before tearing into my new bookclub book. Gathering baggage, getting the rental car and driving to our condo in Kihei was also pretty easy and before I knew it, we were all settled in and falling asleep to the sound of the waves crashing on the rocks below us.

The next day we woke up and had cinnamon rolls from The Cinnamon Roll Place (genius branding if you ask me) and mimosas.

I then slathered on my Alba 45 SPF Sunblock,  helped cover E with sunblock and we all hit the beach.

David and I took turns playing with E in the waves and hiding under the umbrella I rented in between. David waded out waist-deep in the water with her a few times and the two of them were such an adorable sight. After about an hour and a half, I noticed the tops of my feet (which were buried in the sand, but sticking out from the shade of the umbrella) were starting to turn pink so we packed ‘er up and headed in.

That night, we went to a local event called Kihei Fridays where I bravely took on this romper. #tallgirlproblems

There were food carts, arts & crafts, live music and my favorite – A MERMAID. You know  my ass was jealous of this broad. To make matters worse, she was super pretty AND nice. UGH. The mermaid was all, “Get in the picture!” to me so I wiggled into the makeshift mermaid tail they had for weirdos like me and we paid $5 a pop for the little Polaroid pictures.

Then David hopped in to get his “kissing a mermaid” shot (with her permission, I might add) and I was a sport.

E got to paint a mermaid shell, so whatevs. It was a win. We were all so wiped that night.

The temps were high 80’s while we were there, so we decided to alternate our aquatic adventures between the ocean and the condo pool. It was discovered after that first day on the beach that saltwater obliterated David’s Sport Sunblock and left him with some minor sunburns, so we decided to seek shade whenever possible.

The next day we ventured into Lahaina so David and his Dad could watch the Ducks game, while the rest of us putzed around and bought sh*t we don’t need.

First we had lunch at Bubba Gump!

Then Eliana and I strolled around, I bought a gelato and salt-water taffy because duh, while David and his pops stayed at the restaurant to watch basketball. We also discovered this amazing local coconut body butter with really good ingredients and we all got one.

The next day we drove south and made a stop at the Grand Wailea Hotel. We valeted the car and as we walked in, they totally thought we were guests and started putting leis on us and chatting us up and asking to take our photo. So we awkwardly went with it and answered their questions, “Oh yes, we are staying five nights!”, “Oh yes we are BEYOND excited!” and they took our picture and I tried to robot out of that situation.

There were this lady-band in the lobby as we came down the stairs and we told E to go out there and hula. Before we knew it, two of the ladies came down to teach her a little dance and perform a song! It was precious. So then I got out there too and it became not so precious.

The grounds were pretty amazing. And they have this adorable chapel too!

Later that day, we were so hot and sweaty from walking around the grounds that the three of us basically ran-walked into the pool. I fixed David and I a nice strong rum punch and I practiced my doggy-paddling. And on the subject, why is doggy-paddling considered so blase?  I get around JUUUUUST FINE.

The next day we went to the Maui Ocean Center and saw the  following things:

• 89q2356823479234 fish
• A tank a’ seahorses
• GIANT sting rays
• Small sharks
• Sea cucumbers

SEAHORSES!

The Maui Ocean Center did not have any dolphins or whales, which I really appreciated. Apparently there is an ordinance in the City of Maui that prohibits the exhibition of cetaceans (whales and dolphins). And while I love dolphins and would love to see one up close from the comfort of  the other side off a  piece of glass…I would MUCH rather them just be exclusive to the ocean. Ya feel me?

Later that day, we grabbed food + bevs at Captain Jacks before heading out to sea on a sunset cruise! Eliana was coloring the whole time and wrote me this note which MADE ME TEAR UP AT THE FRIGGIN’ TABLE:

I tell ya, this kid has my heart.

David’s dad and stepmom treated us to this little jaunt on a beautiful boat, complete with snacks and alcohol! I’ve literally never had so much fun in my life and seasickness was not an issue as I was a little snookered.

The last day, we went back to the beach and then had a little pool time. We made friends with a cute Canadian family and E really hit it off with their little girl. By the end of the trip, she was jumping off the edge into the deep-end like nobody’s business! So crazy how fast she progressed with swimming and how I made no progress whatsoever ;).

That night, we got ready for a nice dinner out. I let E do my makeup…she was a tiny bit excited!

Here’s the before.

And the after.

So I adjusted my makeup juuust a little and we went to the 5 Palms Restaurant in Kihei.

Toasted coconut dranks.

Coconut shrimp!!

Here’s David and E, pretending to sleep while we were waiting for the car. #matchingonvacation

The flights home were all drama-free and comfortable. Portland has greeted us with moderately decent weather and we’re happy to be home.

‘Til next time, Hawaii!