Great Expectations

As I sit here at my kitchen table strewn with lists, RSVP cards, seating charts and yes, even our wedding bands, I can’t help but analyze it all. A week away from “the big day” and what does it all really mean? Never an over-thinker, I am a bit surprised at my brain’s way of processing all that has happened over the past few months.

A big move, unemployment, wedding showers with gifts, friends and family. Mixed feelings about choices we’ve made, from my wedding dress to our honeymoon destination. It all piles up in my brain and I am left overwhelmed, with greasy hair and still in my pajamas at 2 o’clock. I sit questioning myself, for it has been me and me alone who has made these decisions.

It was my sister (and best friend) Rachel who reminded me the other day to snap out of my state of worry. “You’re marrying Bryan,” she said. “‘That’s all that matters.”

OH YEAH.

And so. It is with great joy and a brand new HELLS-YES attitude with which I forge into the next 9 or so days. So what, if half the people we invited said NO? Who cares if my boobs don’t quite fill out my dress? Who have I ever been to really care what others think?

I love my friends. I love my family. I want them to feel welcomed and loved. In fact, I want love to permeate the evening . A lovely affair, filled with food, wine, dancing and hopefully Toto’s “Africa”. A night where my Dad turns me around the dance floor and my Mom does “the shopping cart” with pride. Where someone jumps in the pool. And someone’s crying (because there is ALWAYS someone crying at these things, you know).

I have done great thus far at keeping my eyes on the prize and NOT getting caught up in stupid details so many brides might lose their sh*t over. But sometimes, I falter. Something creeps in and festers away in my mind until I am left a perpetual ball of nerves. It is people like Rachel, like Holly, like my Mom and Bry’s Mom and my sisters to keep my head outta the gutter and right where it should be. Firmly planted atop my shoulders, looking straight ahead at a life I am fortunate to have and a man who is silly enough to love me.

And that, my friends is what it’s all about.

Well, and candy. It’s also about candy.

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4 thoughts on “Great Expectations

  1. Jessica says:

    Natalie this is Jessica, your old 14Four coworker. We only spent weeks together before your departure, but had we been together longer, I know we’d have become good friends. I’ve enormously enjoyed reading your posts about life and makeup. Aside from work and makeup interests, our wedding dates are very similar. I married on June 28, 2014 — last Saturday. These feelings are entirely (and almost eerily) familiar. I found myself doubting decisions about everything and stressing about details I never intended to over-analyze. Many of my guests declined and I also experienced “OMG why aren’t my boobs fitting my dress.” I also doubted my dress decision all the way to the wedding date! How had this day I’d intended to over-plan become so chaotic and messy? Why was I staying up until 4:00 in the morning trying to make it fit my Pinterest boards?

    Before I knew it, I was walking down the isle. The first thing I notice is that my table cards are wilting in the humidity. It’s raining. One of my hand-painted signs is ~knocked over~ in the distance. The table closest to the bride is almost completely empty. The flowers are more colorful than I expected. The officiant doesn’t know my fiance’s name. I can’t tell if my fiance’s face is twitching during the ceremony because he’s overjoyed or suppressing the urge to push the officiant in the lake.

    But it’s exactly like your sister says. You laugh and embrace what matters. Your photos will capture loved ones and laughs. It’s going to be/was fantastic. I didn’t want to take my wedding dress off after that day. I fell in love with it and all of the imperfections of the day (well, OK, the makeup crisis I could have done without — more on that another time). A week later, I wouldn’t change a thing aside from my stress levels.

    Congratulations and have fun in Bali! 🙂

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    • The Natalie Diaries says:

      Jessica! Of course I remember you. We worked on a WordPress site together as I remember. Its really funny because we wanted to do June 28th but the place we got married wasn’t available 😦 You know, you are so right on all of this. I plan to do a post where I kindof wrap-up all my thoughts on our wedding in terms of the things I worried about and how it didn’t really matter in the end. Luckily we didn’t have any major disasters other than the GD heat!! It was realllllly hot but people put their feet in the pool and stuff so that was cool. I am SO sorry about your makeup emergency, I did my own so I felt in control, you know? I want to do wedding makeup on others I like it so much! Haha. SO great to hear from ya!

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  2. Mady and Thierry ( from Marseille - France ) says:

    Ok Natalie , do you remember that your french cousins are waiting for your visit in France ? With Bryan , for sure! … and …. when you like to ! No stress ! We hope your wedding will be the most beautiful and joyful,… and stressless… of all the weddings ! Write me please to tell if you DO want to come in France next month … But you also can come in 2 or 3 monthes … next year… or whatever you want to !
    Kisses and love from your french cousins ! Mady and Thierry

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