Favorite Things

January 10, 2014January 10, 20143 Comments

Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudel!

I’m stopping there, despite the fact that (like Andy Bernard) I hate NOT to resolve the melody.

Lately, I have stopped to take note of my favorite things that are not things.

Maybe it’s the start of a new year and I am feeling inspired, maybe it’s the fact that I just turned 30. Or maybe, just maybe, I have turned over a new leaf, and no longer care for Jo Malone products, vodka martinis and the splendor that is a new tube of lipstick.

or NOT.

More than likely, I have simply stopped for 5 seconds to stop and smell the damn roses. We are all well aware that I could never fully let go of my hearty, good ol’ American materialism.

So here they are. Favorite things that are not things.

Taking off my bra and my socks

(I feel like this deserves a little explanation)

Even better than removing my unmentionables is my SOCKS. Oh yes. As many of you may or may not know, I suffer from a mild case of cankles (where the ankle and calf blend together). Coffee cans, Grecian columns, tree trunks. Unfortunately, they run in the family and no amount of calf raises remedies the thickness.

This time of year, I enjoy wearing boots and obviously I pair them with socks. Over the course of o day, the upper band of the sock slowly digs in to my leg, and due to my condition, becomes quite the annoyance. By 4:45 I am DYING to rip my boots off and peel the ~~sausage casings~~ garments from my ailing lower legs. I then begin the process of kneading the deep sock imprints from my skin, which, as it happens, is seriously the best feeling in the world.

Socks on

You can see the bow pattern…

2. Finding one more string cheese in the bag when I thought they were all gone

3. Beating a level of Candy Crush that I have been on for almost 6 days running

4. Realizing just how much I love my fiance, like everyday (I had to have a sappy one)

5. When it only takes one try to parallel park and people are watching so I feel like a badass

6. Giving awesome Christmas presents, like a Doug Baldwin jersey for sister Amy

7. Listening to Phone Taps and Second Date Updates on Movin 92.5 on my drive to work in the morning

8. The feeling of the heating pad against my lower back (I am 84)

9. A good hair day

Oooooh

10. Breaking Bad. I know this could be classified as a “thing” but I don’t care. I freaking love this show, b*itch!! <- True fans will understand that.

All for now! BYE.

Wedding Dress Shopping

November 19, 2013November 19, 201310 Comments

Hey there! Hi there! Ho there!

I think it’s high time I posted about wedding dresses again, yes? I have much to say about the subject because I actually went shopping for this garment. And now that it’s over – I have MUCH more to say. So, let’s dish.

Thought No. 1

Wear underwear. Not a thong.

Yes Ma’am

The night before I ran to Target for essentials like cotton candy air fresheners and Glade products. It was then that I also realized I would be basically neked in front of a complete stranger the following day. So I did what any Girl Scout would do (yes, I was a Girl Scout). I PREPARED m’self. Grabbed me some full-bottomed underwear and my own strapless bra. No, I didn’t already own one SO SHUT UP. And MAN am I glad I did. Homegirls were ALL up in my dressing room. As they neatly packed away each ‘no’ back into the plastic garment bag, I shivered in my skivvies and wished they would HURRY THE F UP.

I digress.

Thought No. 2

Keep an open mind.

While I stuck to my guns with the silhouette, I surprised myself with things like beading, material and embellishments. I went in thinking romantic, sweet and kind of ethereal. I came out favoring glam, sophisticated and well, princessey. With a twist of ballerina. Can you blame me?

I die.

It is really important to trust your instincts. After all, we have been dressing ourselves for a while. However, shows like What Not to Wear also prove that we can’t always trust what we see in the mirror. Canadian tuxedos are also proof.

I have learned that my body is not conducive to anything super fitted through the hips and bust. Mostly because I lack both. Therefore, it was easy to rule out SO many types of dresses (trumpet, fit n flare, mermaid, what have you).

Thought No. 3

Throw your Mom a bone.

Nancy Palin

If your Mom has her little heart set on a flowing chiffon Greek goddess style gown – just try one on. It will do her heart good.

Thought No. 4

Don’t go to salons where every dress is out of your price range.

Luckily, my research steered me from wasting my time at a salon where dresses start at 5K. The Cinderella inside of me would love to wave a magic credit card and don a designer gown on my big day. However, we all make choices. I choose a trip to New Zealand. Or Croatia. Or a tufted sofa from Restoration Hardware. Thus, I mentally bid adieu to Vera, Monique, Miss Pettibone and Jen Packham. Adieu. Adieu. To you and you and you.

Thought No. 4

You can’t always have your cake and eat it, too.

When it comes to actual cake, this is completely bogus. However, whilst shopping, I quickly realized that my wedding look “vision board” (so to speak) was not cohesive in the slightest. My ideas of groomsmen in khaki and a birdcage veil received a negative reception once I transitioned from sweet little Pinterest dresses into the more dramatic stuff. While I wish I could have it all, khaki and bling simply do not marry well.

THIS:

DOES NOT GO WITH THIS:

you get it

Thought No. 5

It’s YOUR dress.

WORK IT Mama June

After I had found 4 strong contenders, I found myself staring into the faces of my mom, sister and future mother-in-law for some kind of strong decision. Which one should I get? Which one had the “it” factor? Which flattered my body?

And I’m not gonna lie, white aint forgiving. Mentally critiquing every aspect of my body and trying to stifle self-deprecating rhetoric was tough. No matter how many times my loved ones assured me how dazzling I looked, the innate fear of looking like a linebacker in a white dress was enough to cause self-doubt.

It’s true, it is MY dress. I will wear it. It shall hang in my closet where (hopefully) someday my kids will admire it…

Either that or I’ll decide to pawn it for bingo money. #neversaynever.

In My Head – Wedding Photo Edition

October 11, 20131 Comment

HI.

Lately my life has been neither extraordinary or ordinary, really. I’m stuck somewhere in between. I feel a bit whelmed, as described here. As I mentioned in my previous post, Bryan and I are making a large purchase and as a result, my serotonin levels have been suffering. Coupled with the fact that I am also planning a wedding has made my brain into a 24-hour-a-day, non-stop machine. With no off switch.

Usually, when I find myself in times of trouble, ~~mother Mary comes to me~~ I drink a little vodka and buy lipstick. This routine has now become totally blasé. I find myself needing just two simple things. The first thing keeping my mind in the sane category is maintaining a neat and tidy home. I feel the need to banish crumbs, vacuum on the hour and take out the trash when it’s a quarter full. Perhaps it’s the sight of the perfectly proportionate mist from the Windex bottle kissing the hairspray stains on the mirror. The soft thud of the Honey Nut Cheerios I have swept up into the dustpan hitting the garbage can liner. My worries are wiped away and taken out with the trash. I LOVE IT.

The second theraputic means, I am doing right now! Spewing my thoughts onto the interwebs, in a journal, on a paper towel, WHEREVER – has always calmed me down. List making is another good one. So it is here, where I will attempt to bring solace to my unrelenting case of the worries.

Now it is time to talk about wedding photographers, k?

I have gone through a bit of a journey here. Searching the Wedding Wire directories got me lost and confused in the foreign land of tiered “packages”, photo-journalistic styles and high-res/low-res discs. I know the difference, btw, but where I start getting all messy boots is when I begin to compare one photo to another.

Which is better? How important is a photographer? I quickly learned the answer:

VERY

Another annoying habit of mine is figuring out what “style” is fitting. Trends like the Pinteresty washed-out look, to the use of fancy wide-angle lenses and crazy contrasting brings up tough questions. Which is “us”? Which is timeless?

Pinteresty

Contrasty

Photos courtesy of Pinterest.

I looked at a million pictures and made a few phone calls. It’s kind of like online dating. YEAH. Where’s the match.com for people to meet their wedding photographers?

Of course (especially with me) price plays another huge factor in this decision. Photography costing upwards of 6-7K these days, it’s no wonder people lose their sh*t over weddings. Yes, it’s your wedding day and hopefully, (unlike 50% of the population) you will only have one. When else will you hire a brigade of (for lack of a better word) minions to order around to do your makeup, curl your hair and let your dress out another inch because you couldn’t say no to all that pie?

Wedding websites suggest 10-12% of your budget should go towards photography. But with $7,000 price tags, how many of us are shelling out 60 grand for our weddings? I’ll tell ya one thing: WE’RE NOT.

If it’s not already painstakingly clear, I needed help. I dreamed of a wedding photographer consultant – a fairy godmother of sorts, who will wave her magic wand and poof! A smiley, perfectly groomed wedding photographer would appear and take the perfect mix of photos. All while capturing the moment and keeping an immaculate schedule.

Too much to ask?

Luckily, such a person does exist (thanks Alisha!). I am beyond thrilled to have made this decision. Now, onto the other 712,1238912 decisions.

ALSO – More news on the big purchase is coming soon, promise.