The results are in gummy bears!
It’s a girl.
No, we did not have a gender reveal party. No confetti cannons. No balloon-filled boxes or frosting-stuffed cakes. No posts of our dog with a sign saying, “I’m going to be a big sister!” or baby clothes carefully strewn on an ironic reclaimed wood table.
We sat on the couch, read the email (we did FaceTime with my parents and sister Meg) and I spent the next 45 minutes ugly-sobbing onto David’s shoulder. Why, you ask?
Because I kinda wanted a boy.
Annnnnnnnd RELEASE THE HOUNDS! 😉 I know I am not “supposed” to say that but it is the truth. You see, when my sister found out she was having a boy almost three years ago, there was a period of adjustment. I have two sisters, all we ever knew was girls! But when Tate Maxwell was born my heart was literally ripped out of my chest and stolen by this tiny man. We all fell so hard for him and since then, I have fancied a boy for myself. I wanted a mini-David. I wanted to call him Baby Davey until high school and have him get mad at me. I wanted him to play basketball like his Dad, or play the fiddle like his Auntie Bekah, or play Rolf in The Sound of Music, a role his mother was sorely robbed of. I wanted him to drink milk straight out of the milk jug so I could yell at him but secretly NGAF. I wanted so much for me and my boy.
But really. OF COURSE I am ecstatic to a.) have conceived a baby at all – AND – b.) have a healthy baby so far. And while a little boy was what I had on my mind before, of course all I can think about now is this little girl.
But I tend to like to think about things in terms of pros and cons.
PROS OF BEING MY DAUGHTER
- The Fam
Being my daughter means she will have unlimited access to my family. Within that group are professional musicians, Goodwill/Yard Sale aficionados, coders, an AMAZING hair dresser, teachers and an aunt who can teach you to beat people up.
2. 24 Hour In-Home Beauty Consultation
Big zit right before the school dance? Talent show tomorrow with no planned costume? Unruly bed head every morning? Your dear mother will be there for it all and prefers to live life by the “better to arrive late than ugly” motto.
3. A Possible Upper Hand in Athletics
While I cannot guarantee coordination or a ruthless competitive nature, (she may however, get that from her father) I CAN guarantee the ankles and wherewithal to make it happen. Extra props will be given for choosing an indoor sport or of course, volleyball :).
4. The Music
What she may lack in perfect pitch, she will surely make up for in appreciation and a general enthusiasm for music of all kinds. Musicals, jazz and classical will be favored over country but most genres will at least be considered. She will however be subjected to made up songs, dance and soft-shoe routines on the fly.
5. A Sugary Diet
Both mother and father have horrendous sweet tooths meaning any offspring will hugely benefit. While a wholesome diet will be encouraged, foods such as kale, bananas, cantaloupe, sauerkraut and several other items will never be served. Name brand Pop Tarts and Snack Cakes will be regulars and a love for black licorice will be wholly supported.
CONS OF BEING MY DAUGHTER
- The Possibility of Being Freakishly Tall
While this is not certain, there is a strong possibility we’ll be dealing with an Amazon. Being one myself means that I am acutely aware of the trials and tribulations she will inevitably face. She WILL be the last person asked to dance at school socials. She WILL get asked “How’s the weather up there?”, “Do you play basketball?”, and “How tall are your parents?”. She WILL struggle with all kinds of clothing but mostly jeans, ROMPERS, full-length dresses, long-sleeved shirts and trying to convince herself that her shoes are NOT boats. I will be there for her, every step of the way. Reminding her that yes the boys will catch up to her (some girls will too!), that tall is beautiful, that she can reach things on the top shelf and all the other wonderful things about being a tall woman.
2. A Little too Much Enthusiasm
Both father and mother are pretty excitable and enthusiastic people. Depending on the personality type, this could be a good thing or a very bad thing. For example, if she is really into Fortnite I’ll be buying us matching gaming chairs and a mini-fridge of Mt. Dew. If she is into Irish step dancing I’ll perm my hair. If it’s larping, just buy me a scraggly wizard’s beard and point me towards the forest.
I have been told I am a bit dramatic. I KNOW. Ridiculous accusation. Eccentric? Yes. Wildly talented? Sure. But dramatic? Surely not. If this child is exposed to any amounts of drama it will be in good fun and well-warranted. I’ll admit I do get slightly worked up in certain situations or when certain events occur. But really, don’t we all?
4. Mental Health Challenges
If being freakishly tall is not a sure thing, having issues with mental health unfortunately will be. The entire family struggles with various forms of anxiety and depression and this little angel will be no exception. She will however, have a village of mental-health advocates surrounding her and a mother who will continue to talk openly about it, try to breakdown stereotypes and encourage plenty of self care.
5. Possible Weird Physical/Personality Attributes
Physical attributes include, but are not limited to: thin hair, man shoulders, a VERY pointy chin, bad eye sight, BUNIONS (I’m so sorry), a longer second toe, bad hearing, and large nostrils. Personality attributes that are hopefully not passed down include: no sense of direction, preemptively laughing at own jokes before the punch line, over-apologizing, being HORRIBLE at math and singing wrong lyrics to popular songs. *Let’s hope to God David’s genes can take over here.
So there you have it. While the odds are definitely not in her favor in some areas, in others she will be blessed beyond measure.