The Sports Fan

There are basically two kinds of girls.

  1. Girls who do not like sports
  2. Girls who do not like sports but pretend to like sports

Okaaaaaaaaaaay I know there are some girls who would claim they love to watch sports. But to those girls, I say this: Would you pick a football game over  Kardashian marathon? – OR – How much of what you like about sports is the attention it brings you? How much of what you like about sports is the fact that guys may think you are a “cool chick who can hang with the guys”? REALLY tho. How much?

I have basically always been Girl 1. Kinda like Amy Schumer in Trainwreck…

“I don’t know why we treat these athletes like heroes just ‘cause they can skate fast or kick a ball in a net. I just think it’s weird. No offense. I just think that sports are stupid and anyone who likes them is just a lesser person.” 

HA. The Schums. So funny.

But anyways. I hate to say it guys, but I am kinda Girl 3 now! I KNOW. I like sports. I like several different sports. I like watching the pros. I like watching college. I like to watch those Curling guys in crazy pants rub the ground with that sweeper thingy. I just do. And I’m not hiding it.

I will admit there are several caveats to this bold proclamation, however. Just like selecting the perfect color of blush, I am PICKY. And really, I only care about certain teams. And heeeeeeeeeeere they are (cue Jock Jams).

Portland Timbers

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Who knew soccer could be so action packed!? Lord almighty. I used to always be able to count on three things to put me sleep: This Old House, graham crackers and milk and soccer games. Since moving to Portland, it has been hard to avoid the Timbers fans, or ARMY as they’re locally known as.

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And after going to a game (which was AWESOME) and following them on TV – yep, I’m, hooked. These trim young men in green and gold have captured my heart. And really, anytime SINGING is encouraged at a sporting event YOU KNOW I’m there.

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Portland Trailblazers

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This one was inevitable. Unlike soccer, basketball is played indoors and y’all know how indoorsy I am. Going to my first Blazers game a couple weeks ago was just EPIC. I had my shirt, hat, bag-o-Skittles and an absolute HUGE grin on my face the whole time. The Blazers have been around FOREVER and it is just too fun to have a pro basketball team in the city I live in!

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THE SEAHAWKS

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But of course, I am a Seattlite, and a Hawk thru and thru. This season has been a bit interesting but nothing and noone could take away the love I feel for the Hawks. I actually get excited for Seahawks games and feel very real anxiety during high-pressure situations. Portland is fairly supportive of the fact that I bleed blue and green and it feels just great to be in such a Seahawks-friendly place.

SO there you have it. I like sports. It’s real. And I’m proud of it.

Rising Up to the Challenge

OF OUR RIVALS!!

And you know the one I speak of.

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I have never been a competitive gal. Ask any former thumb-war opponent, hell – ask my old teammates. Life isn’t about winning as much as it’s about trying looking pretty, I always say.

But this Sunday is different. After a season spent hanging with Russ, the Shermanator and Lynchie err Sunday, I have become quite fond of these young men. Maybe it goes both ways, maybe not. Probably not.

Sometimes I picture myself down on the turf with Pete C, adjusting each other’s headsets and sharing a side-hug. Or Richard Sherman and I bro-punching one another, after a game-changing interception. I can see Russ and I pouring over our playbooks while on defense in matching baseball caps. Or Lynchie and I enjoying a Skittle-shower after an insane TD. Best buds, we would be.

These guys have become my boys.

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And this Sunday, my beloved Seahawks play the 49’ers. And as much as I like to think the outcome of the game doesn’t matter. It does.

It matters because the Seahwaks have the best colors in the NFC West.

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SO majesty

Because my heart will break if I see the 12th man let down.

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It matters because Colin Kaepernick is King of Douches and needs to go back to his shoe collection and devote more time to taking bicep-kissing selfies.

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A Humble Man, He Is

And because a win for the Hawks will bring sweet, sweet pleasure to see the atrocity that is Jim Harbaugh experience sadness and show it on his stupidly expressive mug.

Nice spin-move, Asshat.

Anywho, regardless of the team who claims victory – I know I’ll be cheering for the right one. A happy to know ya kinda team. A group of men worthy of all these crazy, Seattlites devoted attention.

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Good luck boys. Make me proud.