What ABC Family Has Taught Me

Sooo….CONFESSION.

I’m kindof a middle schooler.

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Actual middle-schooler.

Nothing crazy like butterfly clips or Malibu Musk, but let’s call a spade a spade. Sister Megan will attest to my never ending urge to match my eye shadow to my outfit and carry multiple roller-ball lip glosses. Also, I’m a self-proclaimed Disney fanatic. Not just for my homegirls, Ariel, Belle, Aurora and Jasmine neither. I like it ALL. HSM1,2 AND 3, Zenon Girl of the 21st Century, Pixar and the Mr. Toad ride at Disneyland.

I enjoy cotton candy, Gushers, cheddar bunnies and lots of other foods which are marketed and largely consumed by children. I still find “The Witches” by Roald Dahl to be one of the scariest books, as well as movie for that matter, of all time.

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OMG SO SCARY.

Punky Brewster is still the coolest.

The Barbie aisle at Target calms my nerves.

I think you get the gist. A kid at heart doesn’t begin to cover it.

When I discovered ABC Family I knew it was kismet. A channel highly devoted to harmless sitcoms (which are basically obsolete thanks to reality TV, Showtime and HBO) where the sun is always shining and problems are solved in 45 minutes or less. Since I was the biggest TGIF Fangirl of all time, ABC Family has become my new home. Like a loyal friend you can always count on.

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The favorites include:

  • Pretty Little Liars
  • Greek
  • Make it or Break It
  • Bunheads

I am shuddering as I make this list, because I am well aware of the ridicule I will inevitably receive from friends and family for admitting to watching these shows. Let it be noted I also enjoy such racy and provocative programs as Orange is the New Black, So, you get it. I’m just well-rounded.

So, in no certain order, here is what I have learned from ABC Family:

Lesson No. 1

No matter what happens, you ALWAYS have time to do your hair and makeup. 

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Pretty-Little-Liars-Update-900-600-486x326I learned this lesson from my girls Spencer, Hannah, Aria and Emily. These girls stay up until the wee hours of the morning, running through the forests of Rosewood (where it is always misty) in their haute couture whilst “A” tries to run them over in a car. But the next day at school, they are the picture of perfection. Full faces of makeup, trendy outfits and time to grab coffees before class #yaright.

Lesson No. 2

Being in a fraternity/sorority basically guarantees popularity, status and perpetual partying. 

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Since my fiance was in a fraternity, I have had the great pleasure of grilling him about each and everything I see and hear on the show Greek.  “BRY! Did you have a secret handshake/password/ritual?”. I have also learned that if you pledge Kappa Tau, the “actives” will make you go to class wearing women’s clothing during “hell week”. If you’re a Zeta Beta Zeta (or ZBZ) you may want to be elected “social chair” so you can be in charge of “mixers”.

Lesson No. 3

You can overcome a broken back, open heart surgery and extreme weight loss/gain and make it to the Olympics.

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Among many things, Make it or Break it shows us that anything is possible. Payson thinks she has to end her career due to a debilitating back injury – but due to a break though medical procedure 1 episode later, she is patched up and on the Olympic path once again. Lauren and Kaylie prove that having heart surgery and a serious bout of anorexia aint no thang. The gals make the Olympic team and sadly, the show ended there.

Lesson No. 4

Just because you’re a Vegas Show Girl doesn’t mean you won’t wind up teaching ballet to a bunch of tweens in a sleepy seaside town. 

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This show begs us to keep our dreams alive! Or maybe they all do that…Our heroine Michelle (played by Broadway star Sutton Foster) spits rapid fire dialogue reminiscent of the oldie-but-goodie, Gilmore Girls. So I guess I also learned to stay sassy too.

Lesson No. 5

When in doubt – furrow your brow, tuck your hair behind your ears and softly proclaim “I just need some time…”.

The culmination of lessons learned from each and every show on ABC family has taught us all the importance of speaking softly, taking slow walks with our hands in our pockets and looking out into the distance from a window-seat.

Or was that Felicity?

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Either way, let us applaud the PG-13 dialogue and no-name actors. Les us bask in the sappy one-liners.

Let’s hear it for ABC Family.

A Typical June Weekend

OH HI.

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This past weekend was a random one, of sorts.  We had sun, we had rain, I was drunk, I was sober. On Thursday afternoon, Bryan announced that he was climbing Rainier with his pal Josh from Jackson Hole and they were set to leave in the wee small hours of the morning on Friday.

This left me to my own peculiar devices on Friday evening and were they ever. On my lunch break, I went to the Targs as I usually do 5-7 times per week.  I have unsuccessfully been trying to decorate Bry and I’s sorry little apartment since we moved in and well, our bare walls speak for themselves. Whilst Targeting, I picked up 2 things for said walls and the Bandaid Brand Friction Block which I have been looking for. Because couldn’t we all do with a little less friction?

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After work, I strolled the aisles of World Market, Pier 1 and Bed, Bath and Beyond, picking things up and setting them down. If somebody watched me shop for home decor, they might think I was a sad clown on her day off.  Although a sad clown probably has lots of days off, cause really, who wants to hire a sad clown? ANY-who… the point is, shopping for home decor is quite confusing and frustrating for a girl like me who can’t make a decision to save her LIFE. Furrowed brows and plenty-o-frowns. RHYMING.

“This mirrored end table is cute but so is this bright turquoise slightly antiqued one look at that black lacquer bookshelf but I came for an end table OMGee these candles smell good.”

I go in with an idea, a purpose and leave feeling totally overwhelmed and oftentimes sweaty.  I will emerge with a cute package of black and white paper napkins or an iPhone case or a lovely reed diffuser, only to return home to my white walls and solitary picture frame.  Also need to take more pictures, because slutty photos from spring break in Vegas are no longer appropriate.

Friday night was spent eating bowls of cereal for dinner, crafting and watching Pretty Little Liars season 3.  Netflix timed the release of the new season perfectly, as Bryan cannot STAND this progrum. I am ADDICTED.  I mean, you’ve got Ezra for man-candy, makeup inspiration from Hannah and plenty of suspense thanks to A. WHO IS A??  After my third bowl of Bunches, a few paper cuts and a coconut oil hair douse – it was lights out for me.

Saturday morning commenced with an elusive event, which had not taken place in weeks: exercise. 30 minutes on the elliptical catching up with those damn Kardashians. And lemmejustsay, Kimmy’s derriere has reached a new level. I mean, I know you were preggers but COME ON. It has a roundness to it that is seriously NOT HUMAN.

Then I hit the showers for a hair washing after a 6 day sabbatical. Bryan doesn’t understand why I brag about such things and I remind him that going 6 days in a row with nothing but a can of dry shampoo and a couple a top knots isn’t the easiest thing in the world.  So I washed & conditioned using my new absolutefavoriteholygrail product:

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Then I self-tanned and walked around our apartment naked with the blinds closed listening to Abba super loud and eating handfuls of chocolate chips.

Oh and check out my white nails. #loveorhate?

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After I was tanned and properly made-up, I made a trip over to Snoqualmie to visit sister Rachel and my pal Jaclyn.

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What is going on with my eye?

Of course, Rachel was baking (what she does best) and was cursing the lack of baking sheets at the house Jaclyn was house sitting for. But really, who doesn’t own baking sheets?!

Rach made butterscotch cookies and then we made a family favorite, Oreo balls. I DIE for Oreo balls. We scamped around, chatted about boys and I played with the dog whose name was Shelby but Rachel called him Molly, which was really funny at the time.  Then I did Rach’s makeup for fun and discovered the shocking fact that she does not use under-eye concealer and also has a love for NYX roller ball eye shadows which are all quite lovely. I always learn so much from Rachel.

Shenanigans:

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Donning Rach’s New Sephora Lip Stain

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Jumping Picture FAIL

After that, I headed to really exciting places like Michaels and Hallmark. Quite possibly the most popular stores for women over the age of 80.  I then made a quick stop at Marshalls where I snatched up a creme colored blouse (yes, blouse) that I am now in love with. It was a geriatric shopping trip, minus adult diapers and prunes.  Maybe they should sell these products as a two-fer?

I got home and settled into the couch with Cheez It’s and P.L.L when Bry called and told me he was off the mountain. Yippeee! Ever since this incident, I am always a complete worry-wart when he goes up Rainier.

A couple hours later he was home and we went to Red Robin per tradition. Bry went for the Royal burger and  for me – clucks n fries with ranch. Healthy.

Sunday was spent with Bryan recuperating from ascending a jillion vertical feet in SKI BOOTS. Katie and Josh stopped by to exchange some gear and Josh’s feet were GNARLES. I almost took a picture. Needless to say, I don’t know HOW these boys shove their feet into ski boots with the edges literally slashing through their skin in 80 degree heat with a headache and nothing in their stomachs but a vanilla flavored Hammer Gel. Like, what?

I ran a few errands while Bry unloaded the Jeep and nursed his sore muscles by staying inside and sipping on Rainier beer because it was just so appropriate.

While running errands, I noticed this new establishment:

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I feel like my cousin Mike would appreciate this.

 Then we celebrated Father’s Day by meeting up with mom and pop Nash and brother KC at Via Tribunali in Fremont.  I love it there. The pizza is amazing and the ambiance is even better. A perfect cap to my weekend!

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Meaty

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