My Bachelorette Party and Wedding Shower

Ok first of all.

IMG_2520

Being the 30-year-old bachelorette that I am, meant my party was devoid of, shall I say, the trashy traditional ‘murican customs. Exhibit A: Nobody got alcohol poisoning OR puked. Exhibit B: We were all dressed on-trend, classy and all that fugly bachelorette party sh*t (i.e hot pink sashes, lifesavers tee shirts OR anything of a phallic nature) was NON existent.

And while nobody got arrested or went home with a bearded man named Buzz, us mature ladies GOT DOWN. In a cool, swanky, our-feet-hurt-and-we’re-kinda-tired way.

I arrived in Seattle on Friday night just in time to check in the hotel and grab pizza and wine at Pagliacci’s with Nan and sister Megan. We downed our food and promptly passed out at 10:30 PM after watching 15 minutes of Valentines Day on TV (such a stupid movie, if you ask me).

IMG_2506

Kicking off the weekend

The next day we awoke and after our ritual Starbucks, twas off to Bell Square for some shopping. My poor little Nan has three separate (yet, possibly related) foot/ankle injuries. A bone spur, a painful Morton’s Neuroma (look it up) and an ankle pain which has not yet been diagnosed. After watching her hobble around that morning, it was clear that girlfriend wasn’t going to be able to traipse about the mall, trying to keep up with the likes of Megan in hot pursuit of a J.Crew sale.

So, we went to customer service and procured ourselves a right fine WHEELCHAIR. Nan felt like the biggest fuddy-duddy ever in existence, but Meg and I insisted she sit her butt down and accept the ride.

IMG_2509

I pushed her about the mall, stopping to look at danskos and nearly jamming her feet into the back of the elevator, which, because it was glass, everyone saw. HEY! I was a first-timer!

Megan found some treasures at Anthropologie and J.Crew – then it was off to nowhere’s ville USA for my dress fitting. We picked up my sis Rachel and Megan bought me that caramel crunch Frappuccino at the Bux I had been dying to try!

IMG_2512

IMG_2510

We arrived one hour later at the dress alterations place and wandered around picking out the best and worst of the bunch.

IMG_2513

IMG_2597

IMG_2598

My fitting went great and the dress fits like a glove. Now if only I could grow 3-4 cup sizes between now and July 5th, that’d be great.

After my fitting we went to Red Robin because, of course we did. We had fries and salads and felt healthy, yet indulgent. Rach then led me to the bar where we ordered Kamikazes and the old man next to us thought that was pretty darn funny. Oh, day drinking.

IMG_2515

IMG_2516

IMG_2592

IMG_2595

Sissy purses!

After lunch we made a stop at Nordstrom Rack where I very nearly dropped $140 on a discounted pair of Tory Burch pumps that were srsly made for me. But I was a good girl and remembered the fact that, oh yeah, I’m unemployed :).

IMG_2596

We battled traffic back to Bellevue and finally arrived at our hotel around 5:30. Holly, Carey and Jaclyn arrived shortly thereafter and of course the shenanigans sky-rocketed. We sipped drinks of mojito, cosmo, champagne and yes, just straight vodka as we got ready and danced around the hotel room listening to hits of the early 2000’s and smearing makeup all over our mugs.

I opened some prezies and got some seriously beautiful lingerie in addition to silver butterfly pasties c/o Mizz Johnson. I can always count on Rachel to bring da funk.

IMG_2589

We slipped into our outfits and quickly realized we were all in black and white because we are SO darn classy.

IMG_2587

Then it was off to Palamino to meet up with Bryan’s mom and have a little din-din before hitting the town. Dinner was a BLAST. I consumed an entire pizza, 1 vodka gimlet and 2 vodka sodies.

IMG_2521

IMG_2524

IMG_2586

IMG_2583

IMG_2585

After dinner, we decided to head over to the Parlor, per a recommendation from our server.

IMG_2527

Immediately we found a large booth we could all sink into and order up some white gummy bear shots. If you have not tried this, just do it. I don’t care if you are 47 with 8 kids and two Pomeranians – go out and get yerself one a’these. SO GOOD.

Then we met a tabe of random men-folk and they tried to get us to take these 4 drinks off their hands which the bartender had mistakenly made them. They were fireball + pineapple juice. DRY-HEAVE. God bless Rach though, she took a small sip and proclaimed, “Tastes like apple sauce!”.

IMG_2581

We danced. We shouted. Laughed and made random friends in the bathroom. We also went to the Lucky Strike where we danced on the stages and they blast icy air in your face, which really, is genius. I asked a tabe of young gentlemen how old they thought I was and the consensus was 22. 22!?

IMG_2552

IMG_2556

I love that Holly’s just throwing rap fingers

IMG_2530

IMG_2575

Clearly Megan loved the shots of Patron

THEY MADE MY NIGHT. And I told them so.

2:00 came and went. Rachel fell in some bushes and we stumbled back. Meg and I unsuccessfully ordered a pizza and I chomped down on a half-eaten Clif bar in my purse before 3 glasses of water and bed.

The next day we all woke up a little worse for the wear, but nothing a huge breakfast, Gatorade and venti Starbucks couldn’t cure.

We headed into Redmond at 11 am for my second wedding shower at a friend of Bryan’s families house. Her house was GORGEOUS and the food was perfectly delectable. We had 2 kinds of quiche, muffins, fresh fruit and delicious peach fizzy drinks. I got to see so many of my great friends in Seattle and also meet some ladies who are very close to Bryan’s mom.

IMG_2560

Adorable lawn shower decorations!

I opened all my gifts and was blown away at everyone’s generosity. Again, I felt totally undeserving and weird, as I did at my previous shower. I mean, all these people gathered around me, celebrating me, buying stuff for me. Really?! It’s all so fabulous and heart-warming.

The drive home was long and BRUTAL. I stopped for a redbull and it did absolutely nothing for my sagging eyelids. So, I did what your supposed to do in that situation. I pulled over and took a nap. At a gas station. Parked next to a bunch of other cars who saw me sleeping prolly with my mouth wide open and snoring like a banshee. SAFTEY FIRST you guys!

I made it home safely to my man, who is also now done with taking the CFA III. We don’t get the results until early September, but at least his hours of studying each day are OVER and we can focus on being a normal couple again :).

All in all, a successful weekend full of love, vodka and edible bras.

IMG_2599

The group!

It’s real.

Megan’s Bachelorette

Aloha Blogerinos! (Name that YouTuber!)

With the traces of my hangover bidding my body a reluctant adieu,  I finally feel up to the task of attacking this momentous occasion with my vernacular words and set it free on the internets. So, let’s go.

Friday began with a much needed highlight. I went to C.Joy Salon here in Redmond and told the stylist Kimberly of the saga that is my hair. We agreed on a full highlight – combining some bright blonde with a few low-lights for S’s and G’s.

Here’s the before:

IMG_1195

Accidental Ombre

And the after:

IMG_1198

IMG_1196

My car is the best for selfies

Saturday morn – I got up and slathered instant-tan all over m’self, curled the eyelashes real nice and headed to the Q to pick up mimosa fixins and a box of Top Pots (donuts) to take to the nail place we reserved at 11 am. I dispensed mimosas, pink feather boa donuts and of course my Danielson-charm as we dipped our feet into the swirling blue water and slipped into pedi-heaven.

DSCN4403

The spread

The nail place turned out to be perfect – hat tip to Karen for the recommendation! I loved the power ballad instrumentals they played and the Sharper Image chairs…the “upper-back roll” was my jam.

DSCN4406

Meg and Jen

DSCN4408

“Everyone look at the camera!” Nan looks down. hahahahhha

DSCN4407

Amy is participating!

DSCN4411

Lil Meg

DSCN4412

After that, ’twas off to Purple Cafe in Bellevue where we were seated in our own personal wine cove.

IMG_1216

DSCN4417

DSCN4420

We had a delicious lunch of sandwiches, salads, soup and of course – the signature salted caramels and then scampered off to Bellevue Square for a little shopping.

DSCN4421

Paparazzi shot

The Nordstrom Anniversay sale is on and oh law – the money I could spend on limited edition Mac gift sets. Swoon. We had fun trying on lipsticks for the wedding, ogling over Tory Burch purses and hyperventilating over anything at Chanel. Oh, and sadly the Soliel Tan de Chanel  is completely sold out like everywhere :(.

DSCN4424

Rachel trying Candy Yum-Yum

DSCN4425

Angel and Creme-Cup

Ray-Ray and I left the mall a little early to head back to my house to prep for the party. I picked up my bestie Holls (that is the balls) and squeezed the bejesus out of her little body. We hung up my paper chains, made peeny linguine and hung up a poster of the Bieber. So basically…

DSCN4427

DSCN4428

DSCN4426

Cutouts courtesy of Miss Coleman

DSCN4431

Rachel’s Famous Oreo Balls

DSCN4432

Cotton candy cookies

IMG_1193

Be jealous.

We all slipped in to our LBD’s, heels and mini-tiaras and that was that. It was sweltering and because we have NO A.C everybody’s faces were melting into the carpet.

IMG_1188

My LBD from Targs

So, we carried the food, dranks and other bits on to the patio and resumed our phallic conversations in the comfort of my apartment’s courtyard.

DSCN4437

DSCN4439

Holly showcasing her straw

The drinks were flowin and the shenanigans, growin. We moved inside to open presents where Meg received negligee of all kinds.

DSCN4443

DSCN4454

DSCN4446

She also got a  surprise from our other favorite YouTuber, Az4Angela! I ordered Megan candles from her online store and Ang was kind enough to send Megan a lil’ something. Thanks Angela!

After the formality of opening gifts, we moved on to more indecent activities like blasting rap and 1D while dancing PG-13. A conga line may have formed, I don’t know.

We played a rousing game of pecker toss, which is much harder than it looks and I may have accidentally played Party in the USA like on repeat.

DSCN4461

Wrong on sooo many levels

DSCN4462

Tossin’

DSCN4464

Frisbee method

DSCN4466

Not sure about this method

Holly and I then decided it the appropriate time to introduce the evening’s signature cocktail – chocolate cake shots.

DSCN4434

Draaanks

Since the party has ended, the chocolate cake shots have been subject to public conjecture as to whether or not they were to blame for the craziness that ensued through out the evening. Jury’s still out.

DSCN4456

Cake topper from Etsy

DSCN4458

We piled into a couple of cars (the driver’s sober) and were whisked into Kirkland with the goal of filling out our trusty bachelorette check-list cards before the night ended.

DSCN4429

Holly started us off with vodka-redbulls and Meg got right to work by asking a group of older gentlemen if any of their names were Ben Johnson. Aww girl.

Upon arrival at the bars, I pulled out my phone to send a location update and realized drunk logic made me grab Amy’s work phone since they were both white iPhone 4s. #FAIL. Also, Rachel forgot her phone and Meg had 2% battery left. Everything was SO organized.

The night was a veritable circus of all things bachelorette – we took shots of Fireball (delish), danced with Kirkland gays (hey-o!) and managed to get down to the tunes all the youngins are listening to. All while accumulating marital advice on paper napkins and nearly convincing a man to give us his underwear (Amers was in charge of that one).

Megan made friends with a couple a Russian men and I thought it cute to come bombing into the middle of their conversation, sloppily proclaiming “BORSCHT!!” (the one and only word I know in Russian), laughing like a hyena and trying to be funny.

We managed to stuff ourselves into a cab around 2 am and for me, things got all kinds-o-hazy. Rach set out for Jack in the Box while I (apparently) helped get all the air beds inflated and bedding distributed.

I am told that everyone else had a smashing time upon Rachel’s return, feasting on burgers, fries and gulping water while watching late-night television.

I, on the other-hand took a different route:

DSCN4469

So did Amy

DSCN4471

Hahahahaaaaaaaaaaahhahahhahaa

Bryan made his return from camping around 11 am the next morning and got to experience the text convo between Rachel and I.  So hilar – I can’t remember when I have laughed so hard.

The rest of the day was spent nursing my hangover with Chipotle, popsicles and Lincoln on Redbox. Planning and executing an entire day of activities at multiple locations was fun but completely exhausting – therefore I am using that as my excuse for my decision to PTFO.

Yes, indeed.