2016 Olympics – My Thoughts

Greetings fellow Americans!

Today I bring you MY thoughts and opinions on all things ‘lympics. From gymnastics (obvi), to swimming, judo, women’s basketball and every other sport in between….except skeet shooting…I guess I didn’t watch any skeet shooting…


Y’all know I’m totally obsessed. My pink ombre sparkly leo for a 6-footer is LITERALLY on order for 2020. The following are the questions I have while I watched them compete:

  • Is butt glue used to avoid a large, perpetual wedgie?
  • If there is no butt glue in use, how CRAZY do those panties have to be?
  • How do you feel knowing that the only thing between 3 million people’s eyes and your crotch, is a thin piece of spandex?
  • Is it not a little sad that when they’re done doing doing gymnastics, they will be these eensy tiny people with high voices?
  • What if a piece of the glitter from their face or hair falls into their eye right before they hit the vault?
  • Have they ever farted while on the balance beam, and lost their balance?


Since when was slapping eachother’s hands out of the way and grabbing for one another’s baggy jackets a sport? To me, Judo looks like two chicks fighting over the same Burberry trench for 75% off at the Nordstrom Half-Yearly.



Soft porn.


SRSLY just cover yer vital organs. If I was a men’s volleyball player and I was in the back row, I would literally get into the fetal position with one arm dangling out and just hope to GOD the ball didn’t puncture a lung. It is insane how hard they smack that ball and it is also nice that many of the USA men’s team is good-looking ;).



I noticed a pretty big discrepancy in the bodies of these male swimmers. Most are ripped, like Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte (or the world’s stupidest man) but others are not. And a few actually had little guts! I was allllll about the guys with the tummies. I felt that they were the Rudy’s. The underdogs. The little tummies engines that could!

Gotta Love this Paunch! Photo Cred

Gotta Love this Paunch!
Photo Cred


I would not participate in this sport for two reasons, and two reasons alone:

  1. swimming caps
  2. the knee-length swimming suits

Not even Giselle would look cute in those get-ups and in my experience with sports, the better you look, the better you perform. I am sure the way they cut those suits to come in on the sides of the chest and expose SO much of those crazy latissimus dorsi muscles is for aero-dynamic reasons but LAW, is it fug. NO can do amigo.

I must say these gals make it look FIERCE THO…



I feel like each and every women’s rugby player had to successfully complete the following rigorous training: 7 years of roller derby, wearing 2 sports bras during 5 of those years, drinking Spicy V-8 every morning and NEVER getting to wear your hair down ever. Also, for whatever reason…I feel like I would be okay at women’s rugby? yes? im kinda scrappy.


Photo Cred Khaleesi’s not-so-famous sister gettin’ her 15 min of fame as a ref

What are your thoughts about the olympics!?