**Before I begin let me state for the record that I am still in a wonderful relationship. I simply consider myself an expert on this matter and thought I should therefore share.**

Now! Let’s talk about how to go from this:

To this!

(Yes, the above picture of Sad Nat is genuine. I believe it is important to document both the good times and the bad.)

Being a lady of a certain age has taught me many a lesson.

– Never wear sweatpants in public unless coming or going to the gym.

– When in doubt, wear slightly over-sized sparkly stud earrings. (this applies to MANY situations)

– And lastly…There is nothing that vodka, mascara and candles from Bath & Body Works can’t solve.

So many lessons I have learned over the years have applied directly to the world of relationships. Ask my old college volleyball teammates – I almost wrote a MANUAL. I’ve been in just about every awkward, wonderful, life-changing circumstance you could imagine. Some blissful, and some have left me straight SHOOK.

N.E ways (haha remember when people spelled it that way?) I shall now pass along my years of accumulated wisdom on the subject, wrapped in a handy list!!

1.) A good pair of headphones

Allow me to deconstruct: We’ve all had the original Apple earbuds, lost them, got a new phone and got more, lost those, etc. etc. By now you’re probably wearing  hot pink a set you spent $9.99 on while checking out at Fred Meyer. When going through a divorce…these my friends, will just not do.

You’re going to need you a solid purr a’headphones. Ones that can be turned up so loud they may or may not rupture an eardrum. You see, there will be MANY times where you need to drown things out. Sometimes it will be your own brain, other times it will be the conversation the happily married girls with 2 adorable kids are having next to you about where they’re vacationing next month. It is at times like these, you’ll be glad you have your Beats on, merrily blasting “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor”.

2.) SIA

This black-and-white haired little lady may or may not become your BFF during this absolute sh*t time. For me, Sia was IT. Her music is SO passionate and raw. Song lyrics always seem to come alive during the darkest of days for me and Sia just really nails it time after time. If I may, I would suggest the following:

• Elastic Heart
• Big Girls Cry
• Fire & Gasoline
• I’m in Here
• Unstoppable
• Alive

3.) Nice under-eye concealer

Go ahead and treat yerself to a more expensive under-eye concealer RN. Chances are sleep isn’t coming easy, crying is a daily occurrence and alcohol consumption while in the bath may be at an all time high. NO JUDGEMENT girl. You do you. But we all know that when Monday morning rolls around and your face looks like Extra No. 247 from the Walking Dead, it might be time to slap on the ol’ warpaint. After all, you are going through a war. A concealer with great coverage is going to get you so far. Here are the best ones:

• Mac Pro Longwear Concealer
• Nars Radiant Creamy Concealer
• Kat Von D Lock-It
• Maybelline Better Skin Concealer (if you’re on a budget)

4.) One or two really comfortable, yet chic pieces of clothing

If there’s a time in your life where it’s alright to invest in a Barefoot Dreams cardigan, it’s now. For me, clothing and appearances can make or a break a day. On my best days, putting together outfits is really fun and I won’t mind wearing slightly uncomfortable things if it means I’m gonna look cute. But on the poopy days, give me a uniform of jeans, a comfy top and some flats. It is still important to look nice and take care of yourself, but there is no way a little pencil skirt and heels are happening. Buy yourself a new drapey sweater made of a better material. Splurge on a cashmere blanket scarf that you can cozy up in, anywhere you are. Nothing is more comforting, than the clothing and materials touching your body, so make sure they are good!

5.) A fun pee-chee (applicable only to divorce)

Am I the only one left calling these pee-chees? You know, pocket folders. Whatever you call them, you’re going to need one or two in order to keep all your papes in check. There’s going to be all kinds of paperwork involved and then even MORE subsequent paperwork if you’re doing things like changing your name, adding bank accounts, editing insurance, etc. It is all very confusing, painful and takes alot of time. I found a good way to try and keep my spirits up while standing in yet another line at the social security office was to keep everything organized in a Justin Bieber pee-chee. Once I had the final documents, I moved them to a festive cupcake folder at home, covered in sprinkles. I say, why not find joy in everything during this hard time.

Other Helpful Items to Consider

• A space heater, electric blanket or heating pad = These are especially helpful if you are a bit of a cuddler and you find yourself all alone in your bed.

• New sheets = Preferably a high thread count if you can, in a happy, warm color. You’ll be spending alot of time in your bed and I found it helpful to have crisp, new sheets for those 12-15 hour sleeping spells.

• Candy = ‘Nuff said.

• Subscriptions to Netflix, Hulu and/or the like = Try to steer clear of rom coms and instead opt for hits such as “The Killing”, “The Fall” and “American Horror Story” to keep your mind occupied.

• Bath and Body Works Candles = As noted above, there’s not much one of these cannot solve. They fill up the whole room with fragrance and no matter what your taste, there’s a scent out there for you. May I suggest however, Marshmallow Fireside for the Winter and Summer Boardwalk for the summer.