Last Friday, despite the projected 108 degree temps in Keneweez, I decided to drive home.
I made myself an iced coffee and left work around 2:45 on Friday and promptly hit the road. I stopped at a gas station before Hood River, filled my gas tank, grabbed a Red Bull and a small bag of pretzels and I was back on the road. Then I got THE CALL. It was David letting me know that a bunch of oil train trucks derailed outside Hood River and traffic was being routed over to the Washington side of the river. “NO BIG,” I thought, as I kept my foot on the gas. I figured traffic might be a bit slow going over the bridge, but was fine as my book on CD was slaying and I had an emergency tube of Spree in the glove compartment.
NOT THE CASE.
I was in the car for over 10 HOURS you guys. 10, grueling, tiresome, pee-inducing hours.
But Natalie, why didn’t you turn around?!
Did George Washington turn around when the Deleware River got a little rocky?
Did Ghandi stop fasting when he realized a plate of hummus and pita sounded AMAZING?!!
I DON’T THINK SO.
Did you end up peeing your pants from the coffee and Red Bull?
Very nearly. After I got over the bridge, I pulled over at the first rest stop and the women’s line was about 15 people deep. Definitely a reasonable length for someone who had to pee at a normal rate, but NOT ME. So I did what any normal person would do in my situation. I
walked ran behind the bathrooms, down a little path by some trees and peed in the straight up bushes. Yes, my butt cheeks could easily have been spotted. And no, I did not care.
Then I hopped back in my car and bid the miserable-looking women in the bathroom line adieu as I squirted some cake-scented anti-bacterial gel on my hands.
I got home around 11 pm that night. Nan lovingly stayed up on the couch and awaited my arrival. She sympathized with me as I shoveled in leftover pasta salad and told her how I almost peed in an old Starbucks cup in my car. Oh Jesu, what an ordeal.
The next day Nan and I had a good chat in her ginormous bathroom.
Meg texted us that Tate had a little fever and our plans of getting out the kiddie pool quickly changed to sitting around trying to make him happy. But we did try on the adorable Hanna Andsersson swim trunks that David bought for him!
That night, Nan and I headed back home for some wine and bbq.
My mom’s BFF Barbara came over and so did my Auntie Mary. After a few glasses, I whipped out my phone and showed them Snapchat and basically was a sorcerer. They were all laughing so hard and saying the absolute funniest things everr.
Then Megan let me give Tate a bath in my mom’s big bath tub and it was the sweetest thing everrrrr.
The next day I woke up, showered and we played with Tate in his perfect little nursery and ran a couple errands.
I hit the road a few hours later and was able to make it back to Portland within a few hours. I will NEVER take normal travel times for granted EVER AGAIN.