Happenings + The Poop Lady

Hello my cherry blossoms!

 If my life has been one thing lately, it has been random. I find myself in the most peculiar of situations and pretty much every time, I am the sole witness.It has also gotten hot in hurr and the warm weather literally makes me giddy. Allow me to elaborate…

My bestie Holly came to visit!

Except is rainy AF when she came and we basically ran from my apartment to the car to restaurants all weekend. We shared many a chuckle, drank some whiskey and a’course had some heart-to-hearts ala Felicity (our shared favorite show).

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Sunny days! Sweepin’ the clouds frowns away! (aint it true)

Lately my sunroof has been open and sunglasses have been ON! I also recently purchased the Buxom lipgloss in White Russian because I NEEDED IT and now all I need is hefty spray tan.

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White Russian on the lips

BABY TATE

I tell my sister often, “You are lucky you have a cute baby because if you didn’t, we would all have to put up with an ugly one and we would still love it the same but like, not reallllly the same, even tho ugly babies do have a special place in my heart.” Tate is gerber-baby cute. Michelle Tanner cute. I WANT TO EAT HIS FACE.

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And, yes. I FaceTime him about 5 times a day. Megan answers me maybe once or twice a week. I get it – new mom + bad sleeper = Auntie Natalie (or Natawee, as Megan says) doesn’t get her preferred amount of time, but I WILL NOT GIVE UP.

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Oh! And I got flowers!! They are the most gorgeous flowers ever and if I win the lottery, I am having fresh flowers delivered err’ week. I am also buying the Schick Intuition Razor and a million cartradiges. And definitely 4,000 bath bombs from Lush.

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Now lets talk about the POOP LADY.

In my building, each floor has it’s own mens and womens bathrooms. They require a key so the downtown hooligans can’t inject drugs in our bathrooms. My office is on the third floor and the first floor bathrooms are being renovated. There is a small specialty clinic of some kind on the first floor, and I assume some of the staff use the various other bathrooms in the building.

WELL.

Lucky for us, an avid pooper has graced the 3rd floor bathroom with her presence. The P.L is swift. She is elusive. Like a ninja, she flies up the stairs of our building and methodically poops in the handicap stall of our bathroom.

I have had but 3 run-ins with the P.L and all have been brief, awkward and totally unexpected.

Run in No.1: Sometimes in the mornings I do my mascara when I get to the office. One such morning, I casually entered the seemingly empty women’s room and whipped out my curler, mascara and began applying. About 3 minutes into the application (I take AWHILE on my mascara) I hear a slight sniffle. This was after three WHOLE minutes. The Poop Lady had been in there three entire minutes, sitting on the can, just waiting for me to leave. I hastened my application and was finishing up one minute later when I heard the next sound – a slight foot movement. I washed my hands, and sprinted out of there. 4 minutes later, I saw her go by and catch the elevator down. She was probs in there for like 20 minutes, obviously poopin’.

Run in No.2: The next time, I was headed down the hall to the bathroom, when I saw her turn the corner to the stairs SO QUICK (like a ninja) like she didn’t want me to see her leave. I entered the bathroom, and had not even let the door close behind me when she came running back into the bathroom. Long, droopy bangs curled, she quickly exclaimed “I can’t remember if I flushed!”. And because I am THE most awkward person I replied, “Yeah, that will happen!”. She checked the handicap stall and shouted “Oh ok, I did!” and left the bathroom. She did however, leave behind a putrid poop-smell. WTF Poop Lady? Wtf.

Run in No.3: Probably the worst. Poop Lady leaves the bathroom and I offer a nice, office-friendly smile. The handicap stall door was still swingin when I got inside, and I peered in…yes. P.L left a bit of her treasure behind. Ohhhh, Poop Lady. You, you, you.

The thing is, I don’t hate her. I don’t even dislike her. I just don’t know her, and I guess I feel I need to know someone who so confidently poops in such close proximity to me. Anyways, I’ll keep the blog updated with P.L and all her shenanigans. Promise.

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