(arithmetic edition)

At the end of my work days, I have noticed terrible things trending on my face. Like, ALL my eyemakeup is under my eyes. Mascara AND eyeshadow. Also usually my eyebrows are all brushed down. You know the perma-frown? So usually I beat my head on the steering wheel, repeating “stupid, stupid, stupid.” Is it the warming weather? The lunchtime yogs sweatfests? Whatever the case, girlfriend needs some help. In the form of a mild waterproof mascara and eyeshadow primer. And my coworkers are nice and don’t say a peep to me about my HORRIFIC panda eyes. They’re so polite!

I look for babies on the daily at petfinder.com. And up comes hundreds that all need me. It is pure torture – I want them ALL. And Bry says we can’t get one until the CFA is over so that means only another month or so! Is it weird that I already want it to be our flower girl? Another prerequisite for said pooch is that it has to be okay with actual human babies, just in case I happen to give birth to one. Which SUCKS because most of the chi pups “do well with kids over 13”. POOP. I just want a 4 lb chihuahua with excellent temperament, who will lay sweetly in the crib with my future baby. And I’ll snap pictures of them wearing pearls together. Is that too much to ask?

I have 2 gift cards to Ulta and I am dyyyying. I cannot decide what to get. Here are the possibilities:

• Bye Bye Undereye in Light
• Urban Decay All Nighter Setting Spray (this would be a boring re-purchase)
• Too Faced Lip Injection
• Hello Flawless! powder (it’s so perfect)
• A bunch of drugstore stuff

Guys, I am selling Cliff. It’s truly the end of an era. I have driven him since HIGH SCHOOL. Don’t laugh. Anyway, my Dad said he wanted him and then decided against it when my little sister bought a new car and abandoned her champagne Camry (no name). So now Cliff is going to be sold and it makes me a little sad. Again, don’t laugh. Also, since I have been sans Cliff these days, I have been driving Bry’s Jeep. I have all the bells and whistles now. A working CD player, defrost and ALL the doors lock and unlock. It is a privileged life I lead. Yesterday I blasted the Garden State Soundtrack like it was 2004 and felt SO cool.