Happy February 13th kittens!

Whether you’re trying to get a guy to like you, he already kinda likes you, you’re married, or you’re old with grandkids and a face full of botox – there are certain tactics we can all follow to get our men to love us more.

And of course by “love”, I mean be nicer to us, always put the toilet seat down, buy us things and let us rent Pitch Perfect for the umpteenth time. Surface items. Not like deep, passionate, real stuff.

DO

Be really nice to him leading up to Valentines Day. Try not to annoy him with complaints, feelings or any kind of nagging. Pretend you’re Kirsten Dunst in Mona Lisa Smile. Bat your lashes. Bring him beer. Throw an apron on for S’s and G’s.

DON’T 

Go on and on about what other people’s plans are. Example, “Lisa and Rob have reservations at this sweet little cabin in the woods…it sounds sooo romantic!” He doesn’t want to hear it. Actually, he thinks Rob is kind of a douche.

ROB

DO

Wear cute PJ’s and smell good. For me, this is abstaining from my usual saggy-butt, highwater sweats and “In Dog Beers, I’ve Only Had One!” tee shirt. Try to color coordinate. Spritz something on that smells sweet and feminine. Make a GD effort.

DON’T

Wear your mouth-guard and zit cream to bed. Read Jane Austen and daydream. Try to squish your boobs together while you’re at it. See diagram:

DO

On Valentine’s Day, look pretty. This has many different interpretations. For me, its sweet, tousled barrel curls, subtle winged liner and Barbie lips.

DON’T

Overdo it. Contrary to what we may believe, men do not like 6 pounds of makeup, teased hair, uncomfortably tight dresses which constitute strange undergarments (read: SPANX) and pointy stilettos. No goopy lipgloss neither – keep it real, girl. If you want to look like slut, look like a classy one at least.

DO

Expect a “reasonable” token of his love. We all have our LOVE LANGUAGE, right? For some, it’s a cute greeting card. For others, it’s those ridiculous over sized teddy bears, chocolates, the works. You know your man. Don’t expect strawberries and champagne if he’s more a beer and take-out kinda guy. And be appreciative of what he does.

DON’T

Throw a fit if it doesn’t meet  your expectations. What you are expecting from your guy can make or break this night. If you do find yourself let down, give it a day. If you’re still pissed, try a passive-aggressive approach. If that doesn’t work than you’ll have to be direct. Spell it out for him clearly, i.e “I AM MAD BECAUSE ALL WE DID WAS ORDER THE HEART-SHAPED PIZZA FROM PAPA MURPHY’S”.

Oh, and don’t get too drunk if he takes you to dinner.

DO

Thank him. Make him feel special and loved. We want him to feel lucky to have you, which is sure to happen by using all the advice above :).

DON’T

Make him an oversized, heart-shaped cork-board with pictures of the two of you. WTF is he going to do with this? You are wasting your time and will end up ugly-crying when you see it collecting dust in his closet months later. Instead, give him beer, whiskey, a round of golf, cute tees from J. Crew or a video game. Keep it simple.

And that’s it! Now scamper off and get yourself coiffed, cherie!