Maui Extravaganza

I’ve got two tickets to paradise! Pack your bags, we’re leaving the day-after-tomorrow!


Oh, Mr.Scott!

So, YEAH. We got back on Sunday and no part of me was ready for returning to this season of leaves, pumpkins and people dressing up as Miley Cyrus for Halloween.

Not to worry though. I have my wonderful sunburns mems to keep me warm! And really, I’m kidding. This girl did not get one, solitary sunburn. Save for a slighter beiger shade of, well, beige and a few freckles splashed across my nose – I remain your loyal, pasty-white internet friend.

I am scheming up a few different posts to break up what I fear could be a post longer than the script of Hoop Dreams, for your reading pleasure. Indeed, a grand synopsis will kick-off this whirling dervish of sand, sun and of course, rum.

We arrived in Maui on Friday. Our complimentary drinks at the United Club Room pre-flight made for an excellent way to pass the time during the 5.5 hour trip by (you guessed it) sleeping. Drinks at 9 am? YES.


The air in Hawaii is my favorite air. If the air they sold in that movie The Lorax was from Hawaii, I would be their #1 customer. The thick humidity may as well be 1,000 plumeria-scented baby fairies, kissing my entire body. Now, THERE’s a visual. But you get the idea, I LOVE it.

We fell into our usual (usual. ha. this was only my second visit) routine of hitting Costco to stock up on necessities booze for the 9 glorious days ahead. $175 later we had in our cart:

  • 2 kinds of chips
  • Salsa
  • Booty
  • Bread
  • Cheese
  • Pineapple
  • Bag o limes
  • Bag o lemons
  • Handle of vodka
  • Handle of tequila
  • 24 cans of Bud Light


We stayed at the Kapalua Villas on Maui. They was nice.

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The trip was full of discovery.

Like discovering the amazing beaches we were right next to.

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*Not my photos, obvi.

Or grosser things like the teeny tiny geckos that speckle the sidewalks and don’t move until your foot is literally 1 centimeter away from it.

Discovering the fact that you can’t leave even 1 solitary piece of booty on the counter or else ants will come.

I discovered that I love the show LOCKUP because seeing these people makes any problem you have just melt away.


I discovered that spending a day at the Kapalua Spa is what heaven must be like. READ: waterfall shower, sauna, steam room, unlimited towels, robes, spa slippers, high-end sunblock, and body care products. I almost brought zip-lock baggies and just pumped away at that free lotion.


Oh! And one other thing. All week, we kept noting the crazy amount of runners and cyclists around the hood. I know Maui is conducive to runners and other exercise enthusiasts, but the staggering numbers of all these fit beings led us to believe something fishy was going on.

Well, we were right.


The supposed islands of curvaceous, tanned hula girls was now inundated with the thin, muscular silhouettes of professional triathletes from all of the world. Men in teeny speedos yelling “Ciao!” with the confidence of Peter Jackson at an Elf Convention.

We were able to watch the beginning of the triathlon before we left on Sunday, which began with a 1-mile “rough water swim”. As the frail bodies emerged from the water, making their speedy transitions on to their pristine mountain bikes I looked down at the small stomach ponch that had formed just above the waistline of my shorts…and then I had another margarita 🙂

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I also happened upon some re-discoveries.

Like the fact that my fiance is THE BEST bartender this side’the Mississippi.

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And the fact that I still enjoy dancing to Britney Spears solo after 2 margaritas.

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That hammocks are simply great.


And so are lava flows.

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I re-discovered how hard it is to completely remove sand from all crevasses of the body.

That IZ has a voice that could bring world peace.


I re-discovered why I love this beautiful, lush island. Oh, and wore this tank:


Aloha for now! And mahalo 🙂


2 thoughts on “Maui Extravaganza

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