Aloha Blogerinos! (Name that YouTuber!)

With the traces of my hangover bidding my body a reluctant adieu,  I finally feel up to the task of attacking this momentous occasion with my vernacular words and set it free on the internets. So, let’s go.

Friday began with a much needed highlight. I went to C.Joy Salon here in Redmond and told the stylist Kimberly of the saga that is my hair. We agreed on a full highlight – combining some bright blonde with a few low-lights for S’s and G’s.

Here’s the before:

And the after:

Saturday morn – I got up and slathered instant-tan all over m’self, curled the eyelashes real nice and headed to the Q to pick up mimosa fixins and a box of Top Pots (donuts) to take to the nail place we reserved at 11 am. I dispensed mimosas, pink feather boa donuts and of course my Danielson-charm as we dipped our feet into the swirling blue water and slipped into pedi-heaven.

The nail place turned out to be perfect – hat tip to Karen for the recommendation! I loved the power ballad instrumentals they played and the Sharper Image chairs…the “upper-back roll” was my jam.

After that, ’twas off to Purple Cafe in Bellevue where we were seated in our own personal wine cove.

We had a delicious lunch of sandwiches, salads, soup and of course – the signature salted caramels and then scampered off to Bellevue Square for a little shopping.

The Nordstrom Anniversay sale is on and oh law – the money I could spend on limited edition Mac gift sets. Swoon. We had fun trying on lipsticks for the wedding, ogling over Tory Burch purses and hyperventilating over anything at Chanel. Oh, and sadly the Soliel Tan de Chanel  is completely sold out like everywhere :(.

Ray-Ray and I left the mall a little early to head back to my house to prep for the party. I picked up my bestie Holls (that is the balls) and squeezed the bejesus out of her little body. We hung up my paper chains, made peeny linguine and hung up a poster of the Bieber. So basically…

We all slipped in to our LBD’s, heels and mini-tiaras and that was that. It was sweltering and because we have NO A.C everybody’s faces were melting into the carpet.

So, we carried the food, dranks and other bits on to the patio and resumed our phallic conversations in the comfort of my apartment’s courtyard.

The drinks were flowin and the shenanigans, growin. We moved inside to open presents where Meg received negligee of all kinds.

She also got a  surprise from our other favorite YouTuber, Az4Angela! I ordered Megan candles from her online store and Ang was kind enough to send Megan a lil’ something. Thanks Angela!

After the formality of opening gifts, we moved on to more indecent activities like blasting rap and 1D while dancing PG-13. A conga line may have formed, I don’t know.

We played a rousing game of pecker toss, which is much harder than it looks and I may have accidentally played Party in the USA like on repeat.

Holly and I then decided it the appropriate time to introduce the evening’s signature cocktail – chocolate cake shots.

Since the party has ended, the chocolate cake shots have been subject to public conjecture as to whether or not they were to blame for the craziness that ensued through out the evening. Jury’s still out.

We piled into a couple of cars (the driver’s sober) and were whisked into Kirkland with the goal of filling out our trusty bachelorette check-list cards before the night ended.

Holly started us off with vodka-redbulls and Meg got right to work by asking a group of older gentlemen if any of their names were Ben Johnson. Aww girl.

Upon arrival at the bars, I pulled out my phone to send a location update and realized drunk logic made me grab Amy’s work phone since they were both white iPhone 4s. #FAIL. Also, Rachel forgot her phone and Meg had 2% battery left. Everything was SO organized.

The night was a veritable circus of all things bachelorette – we took shots of Fireball (delish), danced with Kirkland gays (hey-o!) and managed to get down to the tunes all the youngins are listening to. All while accumulating marital advice on paper napkins and nearly convincing a man to give us his underwear (Amers was in charge of that one).

Megan made friends with a couple a Russian men and I thought it cute to come bombing into the middle of their conversation, sloppily proclaiming “BORSCHT!!” (the one and only word I know in Russian), laughing like a hyena and trying to be funny.

We managed to stuff ourselves into a cab around 2 am and for me, things got all kinds-o-hazy. Rach set out for Jack in the Box while I (apparently) helped get all the air beds inflated and bedding distributed.

I am told that everyone else had a smashing time upon Rachel’s return, feasting on burgers, fries and gulping water while watching late-night television.

I, on the other-hand took a different route:

Bryan made his return from camping around 11 am the next morning and got to experience the text convo between Rachel and I.  So hilar – I can’t remember when I have laughed so hard.

The rest of the day was spent nursing my hangover with Chipotle, popsicles and Lincoln on Redbox. Planning and executing an entire day of activities at multiple locations was fun but completely exhausting – therefore I am using that as my excuse for my decision to PTFO.

Yes, indeed.