For any gal who has fallen victim to a product slathered in catchy marketing and boasting “miracle” results only to discover it’s complete and utter uselessness, I say this: I am you.

I am the girl who spends hours, yes hours watching, reading and researching products that lay claim to serious results with no avail.  While I like to think that the majority of the items I choose to buy have been methodically selected, sometimes this is far from the truth.  I, like so many women, am easily wooed by product displays, limited editions, or my weakest spot – cute packaging.  Stick a piece of poo in a pink box with a cute font and I’m smitten.  You get the drift :).

Recent evidence of genius cute marketing:

The purpose of this post is to hopefully save some of you (the millions who are reading) from repeating my beauty section mistakes.

Got2Be Beach Trippin

Basically, I feel this entire brand is garbage. The name is bad enough. Textbook example of how cute packaging and unrealistic promises can break our hopeful hearts.  Or maybe it’s only me. I really should just splurge for the Bumble & Bumble Surf Spray, but can’t yet justify the $25 cost for what seems like a little salt-water.

Tresemme Dry Shampoo

My never-ending hair growth saga has constituted the purchase of many hair products to aid in my quest for boob-length locks.  Dry shampoo is a necessity as frequent hair washing is a major no-no in the hair growth department.  For this beauty miss, I simply cheaped-out on my all time favorite dry shampoo, Batiste , for this $3 version. It comes out like a jet (TWSS), the formula is too wet (again, TWSS) and it leaves a dreaded white residue on your hair (this is out of control).

Macadamia Natural Hair Oil

I was surprised by my distaste for this hair oil.  Lots of beauty gurus love this line.  The smell was nice at first, but I grew tired of it overtime and I felt it actually made my hair more dry! The horror! For a MUCH better alternative, albeit, substantially more expensive is Moroccan Oil.  Or, Nectar of the Gods as I call it.

Ulta Brand Tanning Products

Self tanning products have become all the rage suddenly. I guess people are finally getting hip to how bad the sun is for your skin, derrr. As a child of a skin-cancer survivor many times over, I quit my tanning bed regime long ago.

As a result, I have become a connoisseur of drugstore self-tanning products. Neutrogena, Hawaiian Tropic, Jergens. They all aight.  L’Oreal Sublime Bronze is one of my favorites, save for the trail of glitter it leaves behind. Strippers prolly buy this stuff by the buckets.  I have yet to dive in to pricier options like St.Tropez, Fake Bake or the one I covet over all else by Tarte.

The Ulta self-tanner performed as well as you’d expect it to, which was completely disappointing.  Hardly any color and it faded terribly, read: lizard skin.

Maybelline The Falsies Mascara

Finding the right mascara is kind of like shopping for jeans. What looks great on one person gives the other saggy-butt. You understand.  Mascaras can be lengthening, volumizing, separating, moisturizing, the list goes on and on. For most, a combination works best. I have tried the Falsies multiple times, due to it’s wide popularity and good price. Each time, I was left with stiff, jagged spider eyes which isn’t exactly what I was going for. However, I have seen this product perform beautifully on others so I suppose the vote’s still out.

So that’s it, I hope I helped. Save your pennies for sensible things like a magic set or a quesadilla maker. Splurge on a vacation to Dollywood but please, don’t buy these products.