An Old-Fashioned Wedding

…Blessed in that good ol’ fashioned way!

Oh how I love Ethel Merman.

I think that being an engaged woman constitutes lots of lengthy, emotional posts where I’ll expose each one of you to semi-ridiculous subjects such as tealights and cake-pops.  And no, we won’t be dispensing cake-pops at our wedding.  Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt.  I prefer to roam in the pastures of garden lanterns, petite fours and pink champagne, ça va?

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Frolicking in Versailles.

Let’s first address the elephant in the room – weddings are expensive.  I realize that for some, dropping over 25 grand on ONE day is child’s play.   For me however, parting with $100 for a completely necessary car repair or vacuum cleaner brings on hives.   I practically break out the xanax each time I undergo a major purchase.  You guys know I shop at Goodwill and 75% off racks at Target, trying to justify adding a belt to a 3XL cardigan, by telling myself it’ll be cute.

I certainly understand the importance of quality in certain things, however, I am my mother’s daughter.  I have rifled through many a $1 bin and scrounged around in strangers garage’s in 95 degree-heat.  It’s true, I am perfectly able to surrender to a striking black leather Rebecca Minkhoff Mac Bag but it pains me to pay full-price for items such as  socks, casserole dishes and the like.

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Worth It

And when it comes to weddings, a person can go proverbially hog-wild.

Planning this shin-dig is overwhelming and kindof makes me want to curl up in my pink snuggie (yes, I own one) and never emerge.  More than that, I sometimes feel a weird competitiony vibe with women + weddings.  We are losing sleep over coming up with the most unique centerpieces and always looking for the new “it” item that no has done yet (i.e candy buffet bars, photo booths, cupcakes, etc).  In fact, the hit show on TLC , Four Weddings focuses on just that.  Yes, lets attend one another’s nuptials and pass judgements to complete strangers on dress, food and venue.   Disclaimer: I do watch this show when it’s on.  I like me m’progrums.

Who am I to hate on a Pnina Tornai ball gown with a see-through bodice? Or potluck-style receptions? You wanna do a keg-stand at your wedding? Sounds great!  You feel it’s right to break-dance in your wedding dress? More power to you!

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Yep.

But that’s neither here nor there. The point is, I don’t blame these broads who go totally apesh*t planning their weddings.

And, I fully realize what you new-agers out there are thinking. That there are ways around all of the “norms”.

Scenario 1:  “Get married in a park and have a potluck.”

Scenario 2: “Rent a community center and do the food and decorating yourself.”

Scenario 3: “Go to ______(insert destination of choice) and tie the knot under a waterfall.”

Or my favorite…”Just go down to City Hall.”

Yeah…NO.

For all of you people, I ask you this: Is that what you’d really choose?  Maybe.  Pre-enganged Natalie might have uttered one or more of these suggestions and tried to convince herself that they were all viable options.  These ideas could be totally amazing and work well for many.

Does it work for me?

NO.

I would love to say that I don’t care about all the wedding “crap”.  That I don’t spend hours upon hours parousing the thousands of wedding boards on Pinterest and lusting after mushy pictures and DIY crafts. That I could just as easily scamper on down to the hitchin’ post with a white sundress from Forever 21 and call it good.

But I can’t.

If I am being honest with myself, I want an old-fashioned wedding.  With the sappy ceremony, the white dress and maybe even a signature cocktail.  If I’m being honest with myself, I want the day that every little girl dreams about.  And DON’T say you never thought about it.  We all did.

However,  I am prematurely waving the white flag for any type A’s out there.  Our wedding will be us and thus, not perfect.  We’ll do things that have been done (e.g cupcakes, gasp!) , not everything will match “the theme” and, by George –  if I want cotton candy I’m having it!

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Yes. Cotton. Candy.

So in conclusion to this prolonged and colloquial  discourse, I must warn you of this:

  • I will blog honestly an openly about all-things wedding.
  • It may be graphic and upsetting.
  • None of the following will be mentioned: the electric slide, the song “We Are Family”, the chicken dance or (the worst offender) signs toted by the ring bearer, reading “Here comes your girl!”.
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No thanks

 

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